If You Liked This, You May Also Enjoy:
Hello Current Girlfriend,
If you would like to break up with me, please fill out this return receipt. I will process your request within 2-3 weeks.
Item appeared different online.
Too short/smaller than expected.
Hardware malfunction/smaller than expected.
Item took too long to come/found something else.
Item came too quickly/found something else.
Mom and friends don't like it.
Item talks way too much about how hot mom and friends are.
Changed my mind.
Item asked to split bill on first date, which was at Dunkin' Donuts.
Item asked to split bill on Valentine's Day, which was also at Dunkin' Donuts.
Item cannot play sports.
Item lacks talent of any kind/doesn't even know how to play "Heart And Soul" melody on piano.
Item gets very jealous/knows iPhone passcode and reads all personal correspondence.
Item says return receipt got lost in mail, even though it was submitted in person.
Well, item didn't even like you that much in the first place!