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I'm not doubting that there's some deep reptilian-brain part of the male psyche that responds to feeling 'dominant' in a sexual situation, but why do literally 99% of porn scenarios end with the guy angrily ejactulating on the woman's face? What if -- and I'm just throwing out crazy suggestions here -- some scenarios ended with a female orgasm? Or a simultaneous one? Not ALL of them, just, maybe, THREE percent? FOUR? Too crazy? Ehh yeah sorry n/m, carry on.



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Hey, the girl in this one is super attractive with an amazing body! The only way this could get SEXIER is if the camera zooms WAY in on the genitalia to the point where you have no idea what's what and all you can make out is vaguely moving flesh, then keep the camera there for nine straight minutes! Then loop those 9 minutes three more times for a full half hour so we're basically watching a nondescript moving anatomy diagram. Someone in Hollywood hire this cinematographer ASAP! I'll make some calls.



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One of the more bizarre but strangely common occurrences all throughout different types of porn is when someone's (usually giant) penis goes limp or semi-limp and they just stick it in like nothing's wrong and plow right through. Are either of them enjoying this? Is this even possible? Are they too cheap to retake this, or is this just a normal thing people are doing? How does the sex go on for thirty-five more minutes?



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Teacher/Student, Sexy Nurse, etc, whatever, obviously people have their own roleplaying fantasies and real life 'taboo' scenarios and that's fine! But there's also an insanely high number of 'sexy' scenarios that not only aren't things you'd normally think of as sexy, but they aren't even things you'd even think of as 'scenarios.'

 

Stuff like, "Teen Census Taker Goes To TOWN On Lonely MILF He Got A Ride From Twice When His Dad's Car Was In The Shop... And Her Dumbass Husband Just Sits There Eating Lean Cuisine The Whole Time (HD)" Are people turned on by specificity?


I once saw an actual video titled, verbatim, "Three Schoolgirls Get Naughty... During Finals Week". What does Finals Week have to do with anything? Is that someone's ultra-specific fetish? That things get 'hotter' when the people in the video are wasting valuable studying time?



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WHY DOES NO ONE LOOK LIKE A HUMAN??? Eh, I guess this is what sex people look like? Whatever. [Proceeds to just accept it for the next 45 minutes] Wait, that was 45 minutes?? Shit, what a waste of time. I could've read, like, part of a Tolstoy novel. I really need to start using my time better. Starting this exact moment. [Closes every tab. Reopens every tab 18 hours later.] Dammit.

 

MORE PORN:

 

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