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Though he requires surgery on nearly every part of his body, Cavity Sam has been fully denied any anesthesia for his 12 open cavity procedures. His face, paralyzed from fear and searing pain, watches on in horror as several surgeons take turns botching his operation. If by some miracle the surgery is a success and his nerves aren't jabbed to death, Sam isn't coming out of it much better than he entered - he's still shaped like a pear, has bacon for hair, and dons a bright Rudolph nose.

 

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When you and your friends are hungry, you probably go out together - share some laughs and make some memories. When the Hungry Hungry Hippos are hungry, they ravenously fight for supremacy over spheres their bodies can't digest. Their eyes fixate suspiciously on their fellow hippos as if to say, "I trust no one. I have never known peace". All these creatures do is eat, yet they live in a perpetual hunger.

 

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This maniac has been sitting in prison since Monopoly's creation in 1903, angrily screaming at us. I don't know what this motherfucker did, but based off his face, I'm confident in saying it involved a whole bunch of murder. He looks like a crazier Hannibal Lecter, and if he ever escapes, may God have mercy on the residents of Connecticut Avenue and St. Charles Place.

 

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"Did your person just lose it all in a house fire? And they didn't own any insurance? And then did that house fire spread to the neighboring community center where Robert spent his childhood? And then did the community center explode, fatally maiming the center's receptionist who Robert has always had a crush on but never done anything about?"

 

"...Yes."

 

 

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On a whim, this fun-loving polar bear decides to lace up its skates and head down to the lake. Within moments, the hand of God strategically begins kicking the lake into oblivion. The bear's thumbs-up slowly fades as the final support falls, and an icy grave opens up below. That is, until somehow, the ice fully reforms and the bear finds itself atop it again...destined to re-live this inescapable collapse for eternity.

 

 

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When your ship is hit, there are no retaliation maneuvers - no one on the ship does anything. Nothing. No one even knows where the enemy is. Your crew just sits there, praying to The Powers That Be to strike down ALL of the enemy ships before yours goes under. But that never happens. Your enemy knows where you are. If your death isn't quick, you must endure a new hell wherein you watch your fellow crew jump overboard because they'd rather drown than become engulfed in flames.

 

 

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You know you are not a very loved figure when there is an entire game centered around your children doing their best to avoid you. You quickly get the impression that Daddy's not all there from his Ebenezer Scrooge pajamas and because he jolts out of bed like a prison guard who fell asleep on watch. Look how terrified those children are of their own father. Also, there's no Mommy, and it's not like Mommy's on a business trip or visiting a sickly aunt because Daddy's in a twin bed. In the living room. Mommy's been gone a long time. Did Mommy wake Daddy? You need someone to talk to, Milton Bradley?