Do you believe in a race of galactic super-lizards who are secretly running the world? If not, you will soon - just look at the evidence:

 
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The shocking truth that we really did land on the moon in 1969 was not, in fact, a great leap for mankind. It was a covert mission to bring back some immortal space-lizards from their base in the centre of the moon so that they could continue taking over the earth.


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What better cover is there for a secret reptile base than to constantly have people who are obviously completely mad claiming that there are alien experiments going on inside? The US government plants these people to deflect attention from the lizard overlords, giving them free tin foil hats and access to late '90s web-design techniques.


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It's pretty strange 'coincidence' but you never hear anybody in the media talking about it. Why? Because the lizards are controlling our minds through the mass media. They've completely infiltrated the system and every US president so far has been a space-reptile in disguise...except Reagan, he was alright.


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The secret reptile elite have seized on this innocent bunch of charity-loving, stone-enthusiasts to act as the perfect scapegoat to distract from their conspiracy. With the aid of renowned author and lizard-puppet Dan Brown, the lizards have long been spreading false accusations that the Freemasons are behind some sort of shady global 'new world order', when in fact they just like wearing aprons and finding out secrets; like how Mrs Jennings gets her apple cake so moist. Mmm apple cake.


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The apostles all loved Mary at first, they were all like "Oh yeah, Mary's so good for Jesus, no we're so happy for them, really". But then they found out the truth: that she was a tyrannical lizard in disguise. That's why Jesus had to dump her and Mary got removed from all the gospels. Apparently afterwards she was married to Ashton Kutcher for a bit but it didn't really work out, scholars maintain this was because she was a lizard.


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According to some old guy who drinks a lot, ballistic evidence suggests that the bullet that killed Kennedy could only have been fired from the grassy knoll, and not by Lee Harvey Oswald from the Book Depository, innocently sitting on the sixth floor with a rifle. So why was no assassin seen on the grassy knoll by the amassed spectators, I hear you ask? Because the assassin was a chameleon. A space chameleon.


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It's the final piece of the jigsaw: if there's one thing that a super-intelligent race of secret space-lizards would do when taking over the world, it's make sure that there wasn't any evidence that they were doing it. Who else could possibly have the ability cover up a global conspiracy of extra-terrestrial reptiles, except for a global conspiracy of extra-terrestrial reptiles? Nobody, that's who. Wake up and smell the scales people.