More accurately put, these are the sweeping statements that we unwittingly make about things that ultimately never happen. As human beings, I hate to say it, but we are totally and metaphorically full of shit. It's time to quit kidding yourself, son. Here are six of the smallest yet biggest lies you need to STOP telling yourself.

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Picture this scenario: You've been complaining about how you have nothing to do, so your friend unwittingly recommends, I don't know, say, Game of Thrones. Before you know it, your eyes are glued to the screen, you're in a blackhole of boobs and deaths, and you're thinking, "GAH I NEED TO STOP. THIS IS TAKING OVER MY LIFE", as you start watching the next episode.

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Even if you can remember the value of pi right to its last digit, chances are at some point you will have to, for the love of all things merciful, pick up a pen and write it down, especially if "it" refers to an order from the table you're waiting on.

 

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If you didn't study then no, you're not. If you are worrying about a test, that worry is legit.  

 

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It doesn't matter how sincerely you tell yourself this every morning, it will never happen, because the following night, this will be what is going on in your head: I said I would sleep early, but I've got a ton of work to do. Also, I've got to level my character in World of Warcraft. And catch up on Game of Thrones. Hey, I wonder what Kanye West is up to these days. 

[What seems like seconds later]

Hnng. Wait whaa? It's 3:30 am already? How did that happen? Man, I gotta start going to bed early.

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"Only 5 more minutes. Okay, maybe 10 more minutes, and then, THEN, I'll wake-" [Falls asleep mid-sentence]

[Finally wakes up] 

"Gah, what year is it?"

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No, you won't. It'll probably be five commercials later, or five hours, or you'll reach the point where you're telling yourself- no worries, I'll do it tomorrow. Then suddenly it's the eleventh hour, and you're still lazing on that couch of self-deception.

But hey, we're only human. We all procrastinate sometimes. We can always spin another web of terminological sham and say that we work better under pressure anyway.