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Yup, no law against whipping out your choice of smelly-ass food in the middle of 150 weary strangers in a plastic tube. Sorry, literally everyone on the plane, including the pilots behind that sealed door that can withstand rocket launcher blasts!

 

At least I think there's no law against this. I dunno. Never read the whole Law. That shit's long as hell.

 

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If you decide to loudly mow your lawn at 8 am on a Saturday morning, NO ONE can yell at you, even if you're waking up every neighbor who isn't on some weird bizarro farmer / teacher / your 58-year-old-parents weekend sleep schedule. But if you play music too loudly at, like, 10 pm, when EVERYONE is still awake, you can get a noise complaint. Why?? The noise of the yardwork counts the same! Just because a yard is being improved in one of these scenarios doesn't negate the decibels of the sound.

 

Land of the Free INDEED. Actually, wait, the problem here is the freedom. Land of the Some Stupid Freedoms But Other Like Not Freedoms INDEED. Yeah man. Slappin' that on a bumper sticker ASAP.

 

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Nice work! Now you've ruined two drinks. Or forced someone else to make a "just pick a wire and cut it" random decision and hope to themselves that they're not drinking someone else's bodily fluids.

 

And hey, while you're on a roll, why not just ditch both drinks and grab some other stanger's beer out of the fridge and drink that? Hell yeah! Excellent and legal.

 

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Did you know that if you don't feel like texting someone or emailing them, you're allowed to call them on your phone, and if they don't pick up, you can leave a "voice mail," which is a recording of you saying something that they have to hold up to their ear and listen to?? Even if it takes them, like, ten seconds? That's right, people, the future is now. And it is inconvenient and bewildering when someone who isn't your parent does it, but it is, technically, still legal.



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How are you not in jail? Someone please frame this person for a real crime ASAP.