Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
14 People Whose Last Words Will Live On Forever
July 14, 2015
1. Graham Chapman, Monty Python member
Graham Chapman, the first member of Monty Python to shrug off the mortal coil, was dying of cancer - and on his final day, said his last words after being stuck with a needle by a nurse, passing away soon after. Appropriately enough, during his memorial service, he had made a specific request of frequent comedy partner John Cleese - that he say "fuck" during it, becoming the first person to do so during a public British memorial service.
And he was true to his word
2. Dominique Bouhours, French grammarian
To be fair, we are ALL
3. Jack Daniel, the whiskey guy
Daniels, founder of the famous whiskey company, died of blood poisoning in 1911. It is not known whether or not he received the drink, nor if he drank it.
4. James French, convincted murderer
James French was put to death in the state of Oklahoma on August 10th, 1966, through use of the electric chair. The headlines the next day (August 11th, 1966) seem to show no indication that anyone used his suggestion. Too bad.
5. Doc Holliday, Val Kilmer character/actual gunslinger
Listen, I know that's Val Kilmer and not the actual Doc Holliday, but you were thinking of Tombstone the second you read his name, so let's stick with this. Anyways, Doc had been suffering from tuberculosis for years, and was lying on his deathbed at the age of 37. He looked down and noticed he was lying on his back with his boots off - and for the famous gunslinger and gambler, this was hugely unexpected. All of his adult life, he had expected to die standing up, with his boots on (likely on the losing end of a gunfight) - and here he was, dying like a regular person: boots off.
6. Karl Marx, commie guy
As he lay dying of bronchitis and pleurisy, his housekeeper asked if he had any last words - and he gave one of the most ironic quotes possible.
7. Roald Dahl, author of James and the Giant Peach and The BFG
The real humor in famous children's book author Roald Dahl's final words being a swear word isn't just that by itself. You see, Roald Dahl's final words were ALMOST "I'm not frightened. I will just miss you all so very much." He was seemingly unconscious after that, so a nurse tried injecting him with morphine to help ease whatever pain he might be feeling. But the prick of the needle was felt, he yelled out "OW, FUCK!", and then eased on to the great beyond.
8. Georges Danton, French revolutionary
While one of the architects of the French Revolution, he was guillotined nonetheless during the Reign of Terror, as some had accused him of being too lenient towards allies of the monarchy. As he was being prepped for execution, he said "My only regret is that I am going before that rat Robespierre." His actual last words, however, were spoken directly to his executioner, right before the blade fell. And it was true! Pretty good head.
9. Alex, a parrot
To be fair, Alex wasn't just any parrot - it was an African grey parrot who animal psychologist Irene Pepperberg ran a multi-decade experiment upon, testing the language skills and capacity for learning in birds. Alex was said to have the intelligence of a 5 year old human child at the time of his death, and is the only non-human to have ever asked an existential question (he asked what color he was). His final words ("You be good. See you tomorrow. I love you.") were the same words he would say to Pepperberg at the end of each day. Awwwww.
10. George Appel, convicted murderer
What is it about convicted murderers being put to death by electrocution and making gruesome, food-related puns about how dead they're about to be? Like James French, George Appel was sitting in the electric chair when he decided to make a well-thought out quip his final words on this earth. At least he had a sense of humor about being zapped to death.
11. Dylan Thomas, famed poet
Thomas was a poet, famous for such oft-quoted lines as "Do not go gentle into that good night", "And death shall have no dominion", and his final words, which - for the record - probably isn't the record, given people like Andre the Giant were regularly downing entire litres of booze just to get a little buzzed. If anyone DOES know the record, put it in the comments, 'cuz me and Dylan Thomas' ghost are both genuinely curious.
12. John Barrymore, legendary drunk actor
The easiest way to explain John Barrymore to all you youngins is that he's the grandfather of Drew Barrymore. Depending on how old you are, you may not even know who Drew Barrymore is, but trust me when I say she was a pretty big deal for, like, 3 years. Anyways, John was a hugely famous and well-respected actor in the early 20th century, on stage and in the early days of film, but struggled with alcohol and personal demons in very public ways. Basically, he was the Charlie Sheen of the Depression. Now excuse me while I await a defamation suit from the Barrymore estate.
13. Frank "Tight Lips" Gusenberg, mobster
Frank "Tight Lips" Gusenberg lived up to his name to an INSANE degree - when he was shot during the St. Valentine's Day Massacre, a police officer asked Gusenberg who shot him. In response, he said his final words: "Nobody shot me," truly living up to his belief in not squealing to cops, no matter what. He eventually died of his wounds, but his legacy lives on in The Simpsons character
Johnny Tight Lips
, who went a step further by refusing to even tell a doctor
he was shot.
14. Walt Disney, mouse inventor
Walt Disney, dying of lung cancer in late 1966, scrawled the name "Kurt Russell" on a piece of paper as his last message on this Earth. Which is weird, because no one - especially not Kurt Russell, who was 15 in December 1966 - knew why the hell he would write that. Russell was a child actor at the time and had just been signed to a long-term contract and would soon appear in
Walt Disney's Wonderful World of Color
, but that wasn't enough to explain why Russell's name would be the final message of Walt Disney. Maybe he just knew Kurt Russell would one day grow an awesome beard in The Thing.
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