Hey, Class of 2015, feeling trepidatious about entering the job market with nothing but a B.A. in English Lit? Well, no worries! You can do a lot more with it than just "Teach or work in fast food." Why, there are upwards of five things you can do with your new degree!

make tv suck

Because after all, if your roommates are watching Doctor Who in the living room, they're just begging to hear your critical analysis on hubris, the god complex, and relative cultural mores of heteronormative male/female dynamics with regard to narrative structure. Right? Guys?

post everything

Beg people to read it or, barring that, to "like" it.

scan website

Smugly post "its" and "you're" in the comments section on an article about astrophysics and get the vaguely satisfying feeling that you are now smarter than these people in a very tangible way.

proofread

Again, for free, because you're just "so good at writing." Consider leaving in one tiny spelling error. Just to see if they notice.

toni morrison

Try to decide if you should ask for a cool million before you turn out a draft or if it would be smarter to ask for royalties.

patron

Get hired as a bard and travel from fiefdom to fiefdom reciting your poetry to the lords and ladies at court in exchange for a reasonable stipend from your sponsor.

grad school

Maybe start thinking about teaching.