6 People have a sudden unexpected dinner together 

BOSS: Dwimblethorpe??

EMPLOYEE: Uhhh ohh wow, uhh, hey Mister Peterson. You uhh come to this restaurant too?

BOSS: Why yes, it's my favorite. In fact, I'm just sitting down to dinner with my lovely wife Dianne, have you met her?

[EMPLOYEE realizes Dianne is the woman he just had a one night stand with]

EMPLOYEE: Uhh oh gosh Mr. Peterson, I'd love to join you but we have our own plans--

BOSS: NONSENSE! I DEMAND that you alter your plans and come sit with us. I'll say some double entendres that'll make you choke a bit while you're drinking because you'll be remembering having sex with my wife. Haha, kidding about that last part. I know that didn't happen. Pull up a chair!

 

7 A misunderstanding that could be cleared up in 1 second by rational people

SEXY YOGA TEACHER: And now we attempt the final position... "Trees That Really Look Like One Tree Is Tree-Banging The Other Tree From Behind".

NERVOUS GUY: I don't know, sounds a little...risque.

SEXY YOGA TEACHER: Oh relax, it's YOGA. Thought I have been aggressively flirting with you this whole time, but this is unrelated.
NERVOUS GUY: Hmm, ok. If it's YOGA.

GIRLFRIEND: Hey, I forgot my keys in this yoga place-- OH. MY. GOD.

NERVOUS GUY: Buh-buh-buh-baby!!!! It's not what it looks like!!!!

GIRLFRIEND: Oh yeah? I think it's EXACTLY what it looks like, and I've misjudged your personality through our entire mutual existences. We're THROUGH! I'm going to my SISTER'S! Even though I have my own place.

NERVOUS GUY: I SWEAR, we were just trying the banging from behind position! Ooops, just realize I phrased that poorly! 

GIRLFRIEND: THAT'S IT! That ONE POOR PHRASING was your only chance to correct this! We're THROUGH!

 

total nerdgross weirdo gets the hot girl

WEIRD GROSS DUDE: This is where I keep my bottlecap collection. I like to pretend they're elves who are secretly my friends and always go to prom with me.

SUPERMODEL: That might be the single saddest, weirdest, most pathetic thing I've ever heard................... and it's totally TURNING ME ON. 

[She rips off her clothes and starts furiously making out with him even though he remains clueless]

WEIRD GROSS DUDE: My grandma was right, I am handsome!!! [Snort laugh]

 

9 Foreigner doing hip American thing wrongly

MAIN GUY: Has anyone seen Schamelie?

FOREIGNER: COWABUNGA DUDES!!! I'm doing the hip new American thing, have you heard of SOULCYCLE?? [Is brushing his teeth with a dildo]

MAIN GUY: That's not what Soulcycle is... ahhh forget it. C'mon let's go.

 

someone unknowingly takes a laxative and just shits all over the fucking place

GUY WHO UNKNOWINGLY TOOK A LAXATIVE: Ohhh noooo, I have to shit all over the fucking place!!!

[Shits all over the fucking place]