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DURING THE PHASE: My favorite directors? Probably Kurosawa, Fellini, and... y'now, the rest. The rest of the foreign guys. Their films are just so real and, like, long? And they really USE the camera, it's not just like, pointing straight at the ground, like in current/fun movies. But yeah, enjoy your Wedding Crashers DVD, philistine roommate.
AFTER THE PHASE: Oh cool Wedding Crashers is on.
DURING: It's settled: I'm Cabbie Hat guy. Stylish, not TOO loud, gives me a little edge and mystique... maybe looks a little goofy now, but people will get used to seeing me in it.
AFTER: Ughh, here's a pic from Fall of Sophomore Year when I was wearing that dumbass hat. I look like a Law and Order extra.
DURING: You know what? I'm gonna order that three-roll lunch special again from Monster Sushi. Four days in a row! Ooh, I still have my little soy sauce dipping cup from yesterday. I'm never gonna get tired of this!
AFTER: We're ordering lunch? Just get me anything that isn't fish or wasn't raised anywhere near an ocean.
DURING: I read an article that you burn more fat working out in the morning, plus this'll force me to get up at a decent hour and I'll have my workout out of the way before I even start my day! Plus I'll be free to eat whatever I want, cause who cares, I'm in shape!
AFTER: OH MAN never doing that again. Except the 'eat whatever I want' part. That reminds me, I should eat again.
DURING: I know this show's dumb, but I GOTTA see who gets named America's Next Great Cobbler. I can't believe this poor guy got brain cancer at 22 and still managed to cobble his way through Cobbler School. I'm on board.
AFTER: Looks like I'm gonna have to figure out a new way to completely put off doing work.
DURING: Oh, what's this album? No biggie, it's Kind of Blue by Miles Davis. He's only the most famous and influential trumpet player of all time. [Sneaks a real quick peek at Google to double-check that he was a trumpeter]. Yeah, man can he blow on that trumpet. Been really into him and John Coltrane all week, it's just so much more advanced than normal music.
AFTER: Oh words and choruses and songs actually ending, how I missed thee...
DURING: Happy endings are bullshit. That movie where the couple doesn't end up together, and that horror film where everyone dies? That's the REAL shit. Cause that's how life really is, y'know? Also, songs should be about breakups or death, cause that's what art is: pain. 'Happily Ever After?' Gimme a fuckin' break with that Hollywood fairytale crapshit.
AFTER: Oh cool, that movie was fun and I enjoyed it. Fun things are fun by definition.
DURING: Fox Sports Universe-4 has been airing Aussie Rules Football at 3 am all summer, I'm kinda getting into it!
AFTER: I guess I could go to bed before 5:30 and I might not be as tired?
DURING: I should probably cut back on carbs. Actually, I'm gonna throw away this naan. Yeah. And some of this rice! Are rice carbs? I think they're like, half carbs. So I can still eat some. And SOME naan. Just not gonna go crazy here.
AFTER: [Eating pizza and drinking beer] Ah well.
DURING: You know what? That night me, you and your girlfriend all just stayed in and drank and did that puzzle? Not gonna lie, that was fun as hell. We should totally buy another one! Why not?
AFTER: Hey we need the coffee table back, I'm gonna throw away that 1/10th-finished 'Vegas' puzzle we started 5 months ago if that's cool?
DURING: I've been reading a couple neuroscience books lately and I'm really digging them. They're a little tough to understand with all the terminology and stuff but I'm kind of a science nerd (even though I have no formal training) so I kind of dig how complicated they are? Plus I can paraphrase parts from it in conversation and feel smart.
AFTER: [Mind wanders so far while trying to read the book, is now literally reading esomething on phone while 'reading' the book] I should probably get a different book.
DURING: I've been buying these huge bags of York Peppermint Patties and keeping them in my freezer. Ever had a frozen Peppermint Patty? Oh man, SO good. Just ate five. I'm putting them in drinks instead of ice cubes, gives everything a real nice 'York Peppermint Patty' kinda flavor.
AFTER: [Eating anything else]
DURING: This is it, man. The NEW ME. Is the world ready?
AFTER: What do you mean "After?" I still look cool like this. R...right? Guys?