This article might ruin your favorite things in life by making you think about them for too long. Read on at your own risk.
The Zoo may sound like a wonderful place for a day trip or an outing. But doesn't it make you sad to think about all of these animals leaving their homes and living in an artificial environment for your entertainment?
Try to ride down a waterslide and not feel at least a little happy. And now try not to get sad thinking about how all of that water you're riding on could have been used to grow soybeans in drought-plagued areas of the country.
All of your friends are here to party and celebrate the day you entered this world! And you're now one year closer to leaving this world! Time to get drunk. Can you have fun without alcohol anymore? Bummer.
The Olympics celebrate the strength of the human spirit, highlighting the extraordinary abilities of people who have dedicated their lives to the pursuit of greatness. And then most of those people go home heartbroken, defeated losers. They're all so talented, why did we create this world with only enough room for one gold medal?
Welcome to the temple of knowledge! Enrich your life by learning about the past. Hold on. This is no temple--it's a tomb! Museums are just cemeteries of culture that have overpriced restaurants and crappy gift shops inside. Sighhhhh.
Nothing makes me happier than being by the ocean. The waves, the breezes, the saltwater, and it's home to so many exotic creatures... that all have digestive systems. Every fish poops. Also whales, you think they don't poop? Whales poop and it's huge. Also cruise ships have to get rid of waste somehow. And people eat a lot of rich foods on cruises. Oh god, I put ocean water in my mouth last time I was there. So gross, so sad.
You've done it! You've fallen in love and found someone with whom you can share everything. But can you really ever share everything? Can anyone ever really know you? Doesn't it make you sad that this person will never truly know what the world looks like through your eyes, no matter how much you unveil of your own true nature. Also like, divorce and shit. Real bummer.