Everyone's drunk and ready to back me up!!! I totally have to pee but that won't stop me from bringing the house down!
Oops, haha, I started singing early. It's still the intro.
Still the intro. This intro's long.
"EVERYBODY READY???? WOOO!!!!" There we go, a little crowdwork to save it.
OH, shit, the song started!! Uh uh ahh... THE WORDS ARE TURNING GREEN TOO FAST!! Just jump to the third line. Crap! Missed the big famous first lyric. Ah ok just get back on track here and you're fine.
Am... Am I off-key? I might be off key. I can't hear myself. Why can't I hear myself? I'm on a microphone and the entire bar can hear me. Shouldn't I be able to like, EXTRA hear me?
Ok, I'm gonna go higher. AH! No I think that was worse, back to low. Laugh a bit! It's karaoke, it's fun! Everyone fucks up songs, that's part of the fun! Why aren't people laughing? HEY! PAY MORE ATTENTION TO ME, assholes, I had to politely sit through your stupid Bon Jovi bullshit for like an hour.
Here we go, chorus coming up!
Wait not yet, I forgot it goes right into Verse Two.
Ok chorus time baby!!! CHORUS!!!!!!
Whew, ok, that was good. Smooth sailing from here.
SHIT. That sounds like a lot of bars. Do I dance around? Drink my drink? OH GOD I burped into the mic. Just smile and make it look like that was, I dunno, some rock n' roll move. JUST like a rock star.
People are losing interest!!! Why are you talking to each other?? GUYSSSSS aren't you digging this MIDI musical interlude overtop blown-out footage of a Japanese lady flirting with a Koi Pond?
Ok, I REALLY gotta nail Verse 3. Wait... those are the lyrics? Oh god, forgot about that weird line about killing the girl. I'll just gloss over that.
OH NO I FORGOT ABOUT THE SEX NOISES. Ok ok I either have to REALLY OWN THIS or totally skip it... AHHHHHHH I GOT CAUGHT IN BETWEEN!!! I tried to make sex noises but sounded pathetic! Do people think that's how I sound during sex now?
Shit, probably didn't need to yell "I DON'T ACTUALLY SOUND LIKE THAT DURING SEX EVERYONE" on-mic.
OH NO MY VOICE IS CRACKING! Can I save this with some talk-singing? Like, pretend to rap the rest of the song? That'll be fun right??
I swear to God I've never seen these words before. Is this some sort of prank? Did the bartender switch my song with a gag version after hearing how bad I was at the sex noises? Why are there racial slurs in this classic rock song??
FUCK YOU, BARTENDER, I'M ONTO YOU! YOU AND YOUR FAKE-ASS SONGS WITH MADE-UP VERSES WHERE THE DUDE GOES TO A TRAIN STATION OR SOME SHIT!
Ok, now that I definitely didn't need to say into the mic. Wow, people are pissed off and confused. Let's just bring this home with the BIG FINAL CHORUS!
Or maybe I'll just never show my face in bars ever again.