This Happened Because Of Events Outside Of Your Control


You were at a bookstore or a bar or a work thing, just a normal nerd living your life, when boom, you came into contact with an unknown entity. You felt awkward at first, but before you knew it, you had been changed. Changed into a person who is in a relationship.

 

There Are Many Retellings Of Your Origin Story


Now that you're in a relationship, you will have to explain how this happened many times. Sometimes, that retelling will be fun and cartoony. Sometimes it will be gritty and dark. Sometimes it will star Andrew Garfield. One thing is for sure, you cannot escape this story. Also, if it's a stupid, cheesy meet-cute, you're stuck with that forever.

 

You Go To Great Lengths To Hide Your Secret Identity


You've met someone who thinks you're perfect in every way. Time to hide who you really are, for everyone's safety. This person cannot know that you sleep in a pile of your own laundry, or that you drink orange juice straight from the carafe. That's not what a carafe is for! Once your relationship starts, you'll do everything in your power to keep up the charade that you're a normal, functioning adult because the truth is just too dangerous.

 

Your Wardrobe Is Going To Become Ridiculous


You aren't the person you used to be. You have to dress the part. That means wearing cardigans on top of shirts with collars and tangerine-colored pants. Why do you need to change how you dress? Because your normal clothes would be torn to shreds at the brunches and farmer's markets you will be attending.

 

Youll Discover Powers You Didnt Know You Had


You'll find you have the power to text "okay u?" without having to look at your phone. No reality show will escape your new keen eyes. You have the power to find a comfortable sleeping position even when their legs are like all over your side of the bed. And yeah, get ready for sex powers. You'll try them out everywhere. First in your bedroom, then on a rooftop, then maybe in a park surrounded by onlookers. The whole world is your playground! Just don't do it on a playground.