"God is dead - But before he left, he gave us one last miracle."
That's how the undisputed best Craigslist ad of 2015 begins and from there it only gets more ridiculous. If you're in the Austin, Texas area and in the market for a car that serves as "a figurative middle finger to the oppressive authorities who demand you have a muffler and working turn signals" this is the car for you.
Sure, the car may date back to the Clinton administration, have 90,000 miles, no power steering, no anti-lock, brakes, no electric windows and essentially be a slow-moving death trap, but it has character.
"The 1993 Geo Metro is a car for those with nothing to hide; Its many blemishes are plainly visible, from the shattered headlight lens, to the remnants of a once installed wheelchair ramp, to the utterly destroyed interior. The lack of a muffler sends a very loud, clear message to other drivers: 'I'm here. I'm a Geo. Get used to it.'"
In short, this white chariot is a vehicle for those who "don't play by the rules" and is basically an automobile version of the Millennium Falcon. Because just as the Millennium Falcon had to push back against the Empire, the new owner of this car WILL have to push against the Texas Department of Public Safety for numerous safety violations. That's just the price one has to pay though for such a chariot (plus the $600 asking price).
The ad closes out its marvelous pitch by putting a positive spin on the possible death that could result from attempting to tame such a wild stallion of a car.
"Should you die in glorious car to car combat as a result of the tiny body and lack of airbags, you will ascend to Valhalla where you will feast and battle with other Geo owners for all eternity. The 1993 Geo Metro has chosen you. Are you brave enough to accept its calling?"
Well, are you?