The leaves are changing and the days are growing shorter, which means we're heading into the most wonderful time of the year - the time of the year when nobody wants to be alone. Everyone seems to be staring a new relationship. That is, everyone but you. But the winter months can be just as magical when you're going solo! Here's how.
Just because you're alone doesn't mean you can't curl up in bed with someone you care about - that person being Sterling Archer. Plus you'll have an advantage over all of those happy couples who are marathoning Master of None, because you're actually paying attention to it.
While everyone else is staying inside, making love on a bearskin rug in front of the fire, you can take advantage of the fact that nobody else is out by hogging the skating rink. Other people's happiness can lead to your happiness.
Can't find a companion to spend time with you? Be proactive and build one! This way is better because you can shape him any way you want. As an added bonus, you can name him Parson Brown and get him to marry you to yourself.
Count down the days until cuffing season ends and you can finally see your friends again. Everyone will be breaking up in the spring, because seasonal relationships are completely sincere. Marking off the days until March will also strengthen your patience and faith that the person you actually want to be seeing will break up with their significant other once the snow melts.
You don't have to look good naked for anyone, so eat like it. While all of the happy couples are skimping on Thanksgiving turkey and Christmas cookies because someone is seeing them in their birthday suit on the regs, you can gorge. And once Valentine's Day rolls around, the giant displays of candy should make you feel happy and not sad, because you will get to eat all of that once it goes on sale.
New Year's Eve is all about taking a look back. Wonder why you? Why are you alone another for another year again? Is it because you didn't go out in your underwear on Halloween in order to find someone? And should your resolution be to stop defining your self-worth based on another person?