1 Getting a Call after 10 PM

 

How it runs my life:

If my phone rings after 10pm, especially if it's a family member calling, my brain automatically jumps to the worst conclusions. I just assume someone has died, or at the very least been horribly injured. I start planning the fastest way to get to the airport and figuring out how much a last minute plane ticket will cost before I even pick up the phone.


Why it's insane:

Like most young people with terrible sleeping habits, I go to bed close to 1am. Anyone who knows me well enough to be the one to give me horrible news is also someone who knows my bedtime well enough to call for literally any other reason. The odds of my sister calling me because my parents died in a freak accident are much smaller than her calling because she wants to use my HBOGo password.

 

2 Having Sex with a New Person

 

How it runs my life:

When I'm having sex with someone for the first time, there's a mean voice in my head screaming at me, "YOU'RE DOING THIS SO WRONG AND THEY ARE REGRETTING THIS ALREADY." I start to think that this new sexual partner will laugh at me tomorrow with their new girlfriend who is definitely way cooler than me and knows all the sex secrets that I somehow missed because I had mono during 7th grade sex ed.

 

Why it's insane:

If I've gotten this far with someone it generally means that we have enough sexual chemistry that my fear that they immediately find me disgusting or ridiculous or unsexy is completely ridiculous. Either they have the same mean sex voice in their head screaming at them or there are enough hormones coursing through their body that I could literally just lie there and it would still be great for them, and I'm real lazy in bed so that should be a plus for me.

 

3 Letting Someone See My iTunes

 

How it runs my life:

I love making playlists for parties, road trips, breakups, etc. but as soon as someone asks to see my phone or computer to change the song I freak out and snatch the device away from them. It's a real mood killer, but I'm so scared of being judged for my downloads that it's just an automatic reaction. Because of the way iTunes accounts and "the cloud" work, there are things in my iTunes library that I downloaded when I was an idiotic middle schooler. I don't need people knowing that I have 6 episodes of That's So Raven when I'm trying to look cool at a party.

 

Why it's insane:

For one thing, the person looking at my music is usually a close friend. My downloading the entire Mamma Mia soundtrack is wayyyy less embarrassing than the shit I have on my friends. And even if it is just an acquaintance or (ugh) a crush, if they're the type of person that can't appreciate Meryl Streep and Ron Weasley's mom singing ABBA I don't really want them in my life anyway.

 

4 Being the First Person at a Party

 

How it runs my life:

Obviously no one likes being the first person at a party. But when you combine extreme punctuality with extreme social anxiety, things get messy. I hate being late to things but when every party really gets going at least 2 hours after the designated start time, I end up getting ready way too early and pacing my apartment for 3 hours before leaving. And despite my best stalling efforts I'm almost always one of the first people to arrive and the host feels obligated to make boring small talk while they're still making a party playlist that will definitely be way cooler than mine.

 

Why it's insane:

With this one, the fear itself isn't that insane. No one wants to be the first person to arrive at a party, but someone has to be. It's so easily manageable, though, that the stress is entirely self-inflicted. You can get a more socially competent friend to come with you! Put it in your phone as starting 2 hours after the invite says! If all else fails, drink a bottle of wine before you go. Either it will take long enough that the party will already be in full swing by the time you get there, or you'll be so drunk that you're immune to social awkwardness.