Shortly after Moses presented the 10 Commandments, he presented a second, more specific set of commandments, to establish a code of morality for giving and receiving gifts from one another.


Thou Shalt Wrap With Effort

And thus it was spake unto Moses by the Lord, that if he was giving a gift to his wife, Zipporah, that he would put in the effort to make it look nice and not just hand her something he bought. Some wrapping paper, a bow, the Lord doth not need it to be fancy, so long as it doesn't look like total crap.


Thou Shalt Give No Coupons You Yourself Have Made

The vengeful God spoke this with wrath and as he did, the sky turned dark for the sun had been blotted out by millions of sheets of construction paper with the words, "1 Free Back Massage." Under the thunder, a felled voice could be heard saying, "Theeeeese arrrrrre BUUUUUULLLLLSHHHHHHIIIIIITTTT!"


Thou Shalt Not Give Cash To Anyone Whom You Have Spoken The Words, I Love You

The crowd called to Moses, "What is the matter with cash?" And Moses replied, "The Lord says it is tacky, and the Lord has very good taste in these things."


Thou Shalt Always Get A Gift Receipt

Always. To prove His resolve, the Lord etched the word in stone in bold and underlined it.


Honor Thy Father and Thy Mothers Taste In Clothes

The Lord looks kindly on those who brought you into the world and sees past their transgressions against fashion. If your father and mother are satisfied, it is not your responsibility to say otherwise. With this in mind, Moses shouted, "Let them be comfortable!"


Thou Shalt Not Regift To Anyone Within The Same Social Circle

With a mighty shrug, God's shoulders rose and fell like the seas. "You're welcome to try, but it will blow up in your face." And Moses nodded in agreement. And those gathered all agreed that it was far too risky.


Thou Shalt Not Murder

The Lord wanted to stress this one. Yes, murder would be a bad gift, but also in general, worth saying twice.


Thou Shalt Not Give A Gift For Them Thats Really For You

"Giving a gift to someone else when really it's for you is one of the Seven Deadly Dick Moves," the Lord spake unto Moses, and Moses could tell that he really meant it. "We can't play Fallout 4 together, so don't say it's a gift for both of us," the Lord lamented.


Thou Shalt Not Give Any Household Cleaning Supplies As Gifts

Moses looked at Zipporah and mouthed, "I'm sorry," as he read this to the masses, and Zipporah smiled to herself for she knew that she was right and her husband was wrong.


Thou Shalt Always Include Batteries

"Even if you purchased a sweater or something, throw batteries in there," said Moses. Why? "Because the Lord demands it and you shall listen to this Lord above any other false idols who claim that batteries are not a necessary thing."


Now go forth and give gifts throughout the land, and remember these rules that were passed down to us from on high. Amen.