Public Policy Polling recently asked more than 530 Republican voters if they were in favor of bombing Agrabah (the fictional setting of the movie Aladdin). 30% said that they were...
Though many are making jokes about the stupidity it takes to want to bomb a place that doesn't exist, I believe that those Republican voters are onto something. Fictional or not, Agrabah is a bad, bad place that could benefit from military intervention. Here are four reasons why:
Given the rampant poverty of his kingdom, it is incredibly fucked up the life of luxury the Sultan seems to enjoy. He literally spends his days playing with little animal figurines all day while dangerous advisors fuck with his head and the rest of his kingdom starves. He's basically a less cartoonish version of Kim Jeong Un.
If the Sultan has any sort of policy in place, it seems to be "Let's use our police to fuck over people for the smallest offenses possible!" I mean, the movie opens with the cops threatening to cut off Aladdin's hands and everyone acts like "Yeah, this is totally normal."
All this for a loaf of bread, indeed...
Having a horrible, unstable dictator is one thing, but that doesn't mean we should bomb his country, right? NOT WHEN THAT COUNTRY CONTAINS MAGICAL SUPERBEINGS THAT ARE BOUND TO GRANT YOUR EVERY DESIRE. Genies are basically WMDs that sing catchy songs. If the Sultan is cool with cutting off someone's hand for stealing a loaf of bread, imagine what he'd have a genie do to an enemy country! (Yeah, I know genies can't kill people, but there's nothing in the rules about releasing plagues and decimating economies.)
Remember that line in "Prince Ali" where the Genie sings about how Aladdin has slaves, and everyone else sings along like it's totally cool? It happened!
Yeah Agrabah IS a bad place, and we should wipe it from the face of the Earth.