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"Oh YEAH - my favorite part of this huge popular sports event is also being advertised to by brands. I can't wait to see what washed-up celebrity shows up to shill for chips in-between an actually interesting game. It's like how people only go on airplanes for the free magazines, or go outside to see billboards!"

Note: Plus, these days, pretty much every big Super Bowl commercial gets released on Youtube like a full week before the game.

 

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Uh, I don't "get" sports. That's why I showed up to this party built around a sports event - to remind everyone that I'm better than them for not caring about this thing they all like. And I will remind you. Loudly. And frequently. And I'll ask really basic questions all the time, because even though sports are dumb, I'm even dumber.

 

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"UGGGH! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT CALL?! WHAT. THE. FUCK! As someone watching the game from thousands of miles away and from a few controlled angles on a TV where my view is consistently being blocked by Fat Doug, I definitely am in a better position to make calls than the refs who are actually there. AND WHO ATE ALL THE TOSTITOS HINT OF LIME CHIPS?!"

 

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"YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THESE TOSTITOS ARE LIMEY AS FUCK HAHAHAHA! ALSO I DRANK ALL THE VODKA IS THE GAME OVER YET DUDE" (*vomits all over the veggie platter*)