Is everyone here? Where's Gary? Will someone grab him? Okay good. Now listen, hey where are you guys going? Can it wait like two minutes? Don't roll your eyes at me! What happened to Liz? She was JUST here! Look we're all going to be starving in two hours if we don't settle this so will everyone please just SHUT UP AND FOCUS?
Is everyone cool with Papa John's? WOW OKAY OKAY FORGET I SAID ANYTHING. What about Dominos? I'll go ahead and take those unanimous blank stares as a no. Pizza Hut? What the?!? Did someone just throw their shoe at me? Alright FINE! Does anyone have a suggestion then? TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT.
Alright so we've got one half-pepperoni, half-sausage, one...yes Amber I know you're a vegetarian, that's why I'm also going to get one cheese and one...NO FRANK I didn't say we're getting ALL vegetarian...YES TOM I KNOW YOU WANT BACON. OF COURSE we're going to get bacon it's just...damnit Amber we JUST talked about this! AGHHHHHHHH!
F*** it. I'm putting in the order and if you guys don't like it, DON'T EAT IT. The fact is if we put this off any longer all the pizza places are going to close then you're all bitch at me for the rest of the night so I guess some of us are just going to have to make some sacrifices. I'M SORRY LIFE ISN'T FAIR.
Alright so the total is $48.14 plus tip. So far I have....$3. Oh sorry actually one of these is a Canadian dollar. VERY FUNNY TOM. Anyone else feel like pitching...hey where is everyone going? Don't you scatter on me! Megan? Terry? Nothing? Ugh yes I suppose you could write me a check if you really have to. Huh? Then why'd you offer?!? That's f***ed up, Terry! NO I DON'T HAVE CHANGE FOR A FIFTY. AGHHHHHHHH!
What's that, Frank? When will the pizza be here? Well let's see...we'll take the 40-50 minute estimate I JUST gave you, subtract the oh I don't know FOUR SECONDS that passed between then and now, and there's your answer. Care to guess what it's going to be when you ask me again one NANOSECOND after I finish this sentence?
Not too shabby, huh? Come on guys, give it up. Nobody could agree, so SOMEONE had to step up and make an executive decision for the good of the group, and look at us now. Y'all are so engulfed in pizza ecstasy no one's said a word in nine minutes. Now I'm not saying you have to thank me, but it would nice just to hear you admit....hey! Damnit who keeps throwing f***ing shoes?!? FINE WE'LL JUST PRETEND THIS MAGICALLY HAPPENED ALL ON ITS OWN. Why do I hang out with you people?
Now that that's out of the way, who's ready to party?!?! Orrrrrr you can all just pass out fully clothed wherever you happen to be sitting. That works too. Oh well, I'm kind of tired too so I guess I'll hit the hay. Where does everyone want to go for breakfast tomorrow?