Hey, dudes, porn is teaching you some bad bed etiquette, and it shows. (Of course ladies watch and enjoy porn too, but this one goes out to the guys.)

 

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Porn says GOOD SEX-HAVERS KNOW HOW TO FUCK THROUGH BASIC GOOD SEX-HAVING MAN INSTINCTS. Screaming "YOU LIKE THIS, DONT YOU!" isn't as effective as "You like when I [naughty actl]?" or " I want to [pour pickle juice all over your body and drink it up with a straw]" and considering your partner's response.  

 

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You don't have to flip and flop and test the limits of both of your flexibility and strength. If your partner's into it, it's working.

 

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Some people remove hair, some people don't. Don't have any expectations besides basic hygiene on both your (private) parts. If you have a preference, see point #1.

 

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Despite what porn titles may have you believe, the idea of loose/tight vagina is a myth. If she's "tight," she's anxious or not aroused. A "loose" woman is just someone's who in the mood and comfortable. A GOOD SEX-HAVER who talks a big game of fucking a tight vagina isn't as good at sex as they think.

Also, big dicks aren't always great. Very few people actually want to fuck Ron Jeremy.

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YOU DID NOT FAIL AT SEX IF SHE'S NOT SCREAMING LIKE A PTERODACTYL TEENYBOPPER AT A JONAS BROTHER CONCERT. Not everyone's a screamer. Not everyone will orgasm. Sex doesn't have to end with the male orgasm.

 

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Trying new things in bed will inevitably result in awkward situations. If you can't laugh off your weird organ-piles-mush experiments because of your GOOD SEX-HAVER BIG MAN EGO then you'll probably have a hard (soft?) time getting comfortable enough to try the fun, weird shit.

 

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Unless previously discussed with your partner:

DON'T PUT YOUR HANDS BEHIND YOUR HEAD -- that's condescending as hell.

DON'T PUT YOUR  HANDS BEHIND HER HEAD -- let her control what's going into her mouth.

DO put your hands on her shoulder or play with her hair or ... in your sex jean short pockets so you look super casual.

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FINISH IN A CONDOM. Unless you've had lengthy communication with your partner ... I don't care if she's on birth control, it's all
unreliable and STI-ful. That's an honor reserved for long-term committed postmenopausal / same-sex relationships.

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See previous point. Also, dumping your manseed fluid on another human can be an extremely condescending act. If your partner has communicated that they are into it, cool, but definitely don't assume that it's normal bedroom behavior.

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Long and hard sex can hurt and get boring. Sometimes quick, gentle sex is better. Different people like different things at different times.

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Sex is a mutual experience between multiple people. It doesn't have to follow a formula. Even if you know all the right buttons to push, it's lacking if you ignore other aspects of the experience -- like setting, intimacy, conversation, the appropriate gorilla costume, or aftercare.