We've all been there -- it's past midnight, you can't sleep, and you're starving. What do you do? If you're a true, red-blooded American, you get in your car and drive to the nearest fast food restaurant, is what.

Well, Twitter user Josh Raby did just that recently, and chose McDonalds as his food-regret of choice. But what separates his late-night McDonalds trip from yours is, well, everything that happened next. He tweeted the entire crazy story below. Buckle up for an emotional McRollercoaster.

Guy Tweets Bizarre 1am McDonalds Trip

Guy Tweets Bizarre 1am McDonalds Trip

Guy Tweets Bizarre 1am McDonalds Trip

Guy Tweets Bizarre 1am McDonalds Trip

Guy Tweets Bizarre 1am McDonalds Trip

Guy Tweets Bizarre 1am McDonalds Trip

Guy Tweets Bizarre 1am McDonalds Trip

Guy Tweets Bizarre 1am McDonalds Trip

Guy Tweets Bizarre 1am McDonalds Trip

Guy Tweets Bizarre 1am McDonalds Trip

Guy Tweets Bizarre 1am McDonalds Trip

Guy Tweets Bizarre 1am McDonalds Trip

Guy Tweets Bizarre 1am McDonalds Trip

Guy Tweets Bizarre 1am McDonalds Trip

Guy Tweets Bizarre 1am McDonalds Trip

Guy Tweets Bizarre 1am McDonalds Trip

Guy Tweets Bizarre 1am McDonalds Trip

Guy Tweets Bizarre 1am McDonalds Trip

Guy Tweets Bizarre 1am McDonalds Trip

Guy Tweets Bizarre 1am McDonalds Trip

Guy Tweets Bizarre 1am McDonalds Trip

Guy Tweets Bizarre 1am McDonalds Trip

Guy Tweets Bizarre 1am McDonalds Trip

Guy Tweets Bizarre 1am McDonalds Trip

Guy Tweets Bizarre 1am McDonalds Trip

Guy Tweets Bizarre 1am McDonalds Trip

Guy Tweets Bizarre 1am McDonalds Trip

Guy Tweets Bizarre 1am McDonalds Trip

"YOU GET TO DRIVE AWAY?!?!?" Who was that guy, a 1950's mobster?

There's so many twists and turns in that story, we don't even know where to begin. Did the main drive-thru guy not actually work there? Was he mourning the literal loss of his wife's presence in the room? Were these two playing dumb to upsell these apple pies? So many questions, so little answers! Looks like the best we can do is hope for a @McDonalds rebuttal (or demand one!).

Oh yeah, and after all that:

Guy Tweets Bizarre 1am McDonalds Trip

Hopefully he didn't loop back around.