We previously brought you 20 celebrities you didn't know went to the bone-zone together (notably Seth MacFarlane and Amanda Bynes, Helen Mirren and Liam Neeson, and SETH MACFARLANE AND AMANDA BYNES WHAT THE HELL?!), and since then, we've found even more weird celebrity pairs who took the one-way train to Humpville. Enjoy!
Yep, the internet's reigning king of Being a Cool Superhero Despite Having a Goatee and the internet's reigning queen of The Most Overused Joke Of All-Time (her "equestrian good looks") used to travel to the bonezone together.
Sex Stuff They Probably Did: he rode her like a....lovely, beautiful woman. WHOA!! EXPECTATIONS SUBVERTED!
The star of Terminator 2 and the Early-2000s Kim Kardashian dated (and likely sexed), each reveling in the knowledge that they would have this level of fame and notoriety forever.
Sex Stuff They Probably Did: He dipped himself into a vat of molten lead and gave her the thumbs up while she whispered "That's hot." (that was her catchphrase, I swear!)
Happy Gilmore's girlfriend (or as she's known now, Somehow Not The Hottest Mom On Modern Family) and Adam Sandler's 2nd Sleaziest-Looking Friend (after Rob Schneider) used to do the ol' Shooter McBonin'.
Sex Stuff They Probably Did: Regular sex but with the lights off, since it was wayyy too creepy that they both had the same haircut.
Listen, I'm not saying there's a problem with one person being disproportionately attractive in a couple, but if Heather Graham HAD to date some ugly dude in the mid-2000s, why didn't she respond to any of my letters?!
Sex Stuff They Probably Did: Matthew Perry yelling "Could you BE orgasming any harder?" as Heather Graham wondered how it came to this.
Back before she was Kim Kardashian, A Celebrity Who Is Somehow Worth $85 Million (sex tapes are ACTUALLY worth it, kids), and before he was...well, I guess Nick Cannon has sorta always been Nick Cannon...
Anyways, the point is: they did it. S-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks-But-Crossed.
Sex Stuff They Probably Did: Whatever it was, it must not have been as interesting as the sex stuff she did with Ray J.
Haha, wow, Colin Farrell and Britney Spears?! Probably sometime in the early 2000s, like 2003 or '04 or...LAST YEAR?! WHAT?!
Well, to be fair, apparently they also had a brief fling in 2003, so all is (sorta) right with the world.
Sex Stuff They Probably Did: He did a move called the "True Detective Season 2" and she did one called "The X Factor" - both of which have a lot of hype going into them but then end up really disappointing and forgettable.
Edward "I Can Only Picture Him Shirtless and With a Nazi Tattoo" Norton and Selma "My Imagination Is Not Equipped To Picture Her Shirtless" Hayek used to be a couple - but like Marvel replaced Ed Norton with Mark Ruffalo, Selma Hayek replaced him with a French billionaire.
Sex Stuff They Probably Did: Whatever it was, my guess is he did most of the gruntwork, because WOW that is some extremely unequal attractiveness.
Captain America and Mrs. Timberlake used to bone, probably due to the law of physics that states that "If you're both famous and really attractive, you should probably just find someone else who's equally famous and attractive to have sex with. It doesn't matter if you two actually have anything in common or not, just accept you're both beautiful people and go at it."
Sex Stuff They Probably Did: Chris Evans, tired from exhaustion, gasping "I could do this all day."
Tom Cruise's Xenu-Mandated Female Partner was once Sofia Vergara (aka The Hottest Mom On Modern Family Despite The Presence of Julie Bowen). Luckily, she got out and is with someone of equal attractiveness (and without any cult-ish weirdness).
Sex Stuff They Probably Did: L. Rod Humpard presents Scientolorgy.
Jack Bauer and Julia Roberts were almost married back in the early 90s, back when he had a mustache and she...well, she looks pretty much the same. That's actually pretty impressive, Julia Roberts.
Sex Stuff They Probably Did: The most sex possible in 24 hours.
The weirdest thing about this coupling is that GARY OLDMAN HAS SOMEHOW NEVER STARRED IN A QUENTIN TARANTINO FILM?! HOW MESSED UP IS THAT.
Sex Stuff They Probably Did: Listen, I know a lot of you are saying "True Romance" counts, but it doesn't. That's Oliver Stone's movie (even if QT did write the script). Anyways, he probably did some kind of accent during sex, he's real good with accents.
But the point is, Gary Oldman should definitely star in Tarantino's next film.
You ever watch Pulp Fiction and notice that in the aftermath of the Butch / Marsellus Wallace car crash, it totally looks like Kathy Griffin's one of the witnesses? That's because she is!
Sex Stuff They Probably Did: He did a sex act that was a pretty tasteful homage to an old western sex move. Not like plagiarized it or anything, just very tastefully referenced it in a fun, modern way.
Ugh, gross. Scarlett Johansson DIVORCED Ryan Reynolds (a handsome dude around her age who seems like a genuinely nice, cool dude) to hook up with Sean Penn (a withered old man who once beat Madonna nearly to death). That is INSANE.
Sex Stuff They Probably Did: It physically pains me to even imagine this. Please, let's not even discuss this any longer.
Sex Stuff They Probably Did: The reality of Billy Corgan and Tila Tequila having sex is weirder than anything I could make up. So I'll just leave you with this...