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Going on Amazon when you're drunk is like stepping into Willie Wonka's chocolate factory. There are just so many new sensations and things you're eager to try and it's all so exciting.
But there must be a cautionary tale somewhere in, even without the singing Oompa Loompas to spell everything out for you. So surf carefully, young internet buyers, or you may end up paying a lot of money for a Seinfeld themed butt plug that you'll only use once.
Sober-Me is too budget- and health-conscious to purchase 26 pounds of pure gummy-goodness, but DRUNK-ME is ALL ABOUT THIS. Can't buy groceries for a few weeks, but at least I'll be able to chow down on this for at least a month.
If you support Donald Trump, why wouldn't you want his face cleaning up your butthole (just as he promises to clean up our nation)?
And if you oppose Donald Trump, what better "F*** YOU" is there than smearing his face with your feces?
Finally, a toilet paper that can unite the entire country.
A decal of an old Asian man stuck to your wall at all times has countless benefits. We'll let you figure out exactly what those benefits are, though.
This sandwich looks goddamn great.
Speaking of sandwiches and wall decals...Drunk-Me is verrry excited.
Drunk-Me at 3am believes this to be the most sound financial investment they've ever made.
For those lonely, drunk nights when a decal of an old Asian man on your wall just isn't enough.
Because YOU'RE AN ADULT NOW AND ARE ALLOWED TO LIVE OUT YOUR FANTASIES! WOOOOOO!!!