Of course I don't WANT to eat any of my coworkers. I'm just saying, if we ever ended up on a deserted island together, I would want to be prepared with a comprehensive list to help make that tough decision.

8. 

An Official Ranking of People I'd Eat in This Office If I Had to

Pros: I bet he tastes as good as he makes me feel.

Cons: I don't want to eat Amir. He's the best. Plus the dude has a great head of hair, which would probably get caught in my teeth.

7. 

An Official Ranking of People I'd Eat in This Office If I Had to

Pros: Randy is by far the most hygienic person in the office, which means I wouldn't be worried about foodborne illnesses.

Cons: Randy is a great guy who does really funny impressions of our coworkers. I'd only eat him as a last resort.

6. 

An Official Ranking of People I'd Eat in This Office If I Had to

Pros: Hannah never agrees with my ideas in meetings and always complains until she gets her way.

Cons: Hannah's tenacity makes me think she'd have great survival instincts, and thus be very hard to kill.

5. 

An Official Ranking of People I'd Eat in This Office If I Had to

Pros: She is extremely frail, particularly if she hasn't had her coffee yet. I'd imagine hunting her would be a snap.

Cons: Of everyone in the office, nobody looks less appetizing than Shea.

4. 

An Official Ranking of People I'd Eat in This Office If I Had to

Pros: I would never want to take a human life, but if I absolutely had to, it would probably be Jacob's. Also, killing him would grant me access to his glasses, which I could use to start fires.

Cons: Jacob would be as forgettable of a meal as he is a human being. If I were going to eat human flesh, I'd want it to affect me in some way.

3.

An Official Ranking of People I'd Eat in This Office If I Had to

Pros: Ross chews with his mouth open which is already unpleasant while sitting at your desk. I'd rather kill him than see how gross it is to watch him partake in cannibalism.

Cons: Ross is the only person in the office who remembered my birthday, so as far as I'm concerned he gets to live.

2. 

An Official Ranking of People I'd Eat in This Office If I Had toPros: I'm such a good person that I'd rather chew off my own arm than harm another living being.

Cons: I'm such a natural leader that it would actually be better for everyone to have me alive. I'm too essential to be sacrificed.

1.

An Official Ranking of People I'd Eat in This Office If I Had to

Pros: Nathan has a mostly vegan diet that would leave his meat tender and juicy. He consumes a variety of herbs and spices to the point where his internal organs must have formed their own delicious marinade. He would be extremely easy to hunt, giving up without a fight. I have often had dreams of consuming his supple leg meat like a turkey leg on Thanksgiving. The very thought of him now is making my mouth water. Completely hypothetically speaking, of course. 

Cons: N/A

 

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