Reasons Why Summer Is Objectively the Worst Season

Summer sucks because the weather is the nicest - it's warm, sunny, and there's very little chance of it suddenly snowing (depending on where you live). It's the perfect season to spend time outdoors...which sucks, because you're not some eccentric millionaire who can just spend all of their time outside, you're a working stiff and you're stuck indoors ALL DAY EVERY DAY.

You're an adult with a job, so summer is actually just this elaborate cruel joke cooked up by Mother Nature - you can't wear shorts and a t-shirt to work (unless you work at one of those cool internet companies and/or aren't ashamed of your body enough to expose more of it). You know it's nice and warm outside, and you're stuck indoors.

And to make the cruel joke even crueler, you're actually freezing because your company is blasting air conditioning ALL DAY. You're catching a damn cold in July.


Reasons Why Summer Is Objectively the Worst Season

Now even though you'll spend most of your summer in a meat freezer disguised as a cubicle, getting to work is a whole separate matter. Technically, you DO get to experience the nice warm weather...in the worst way possible. See, you're not going to be DRESSED in a way that you can enjoy this weather, so your work clothes leave you susceptible to ungodly amounts of sweat. Whether you're stuffed into a subway or driving your crummy car, you'll be drenched and moist and not smelling your freshest by the time you get to your freezing office. What could be better than starting your day off with pit stains, swamp-ass, (for ladies) crazy levels of boob sweat, and (for dudes) the stickiest balls you've ever experienced?


Reasons Why Summer Is Objectively the Worst Season

Oh, you thought being sweaty and uncomfortable was worst in the morning? Well, welcome to the world of NIGHT SWEATING! Because you're not a super-rich person who leaves the A/C on all night (and hell, even if you did, you would probably wake up from being freezing cold), you're stuck with some pathetic table fan to cool you off as you twist and turn in the night, kicking off bedsheets, trying to remember how sleep worked when you weren't a moist husk of a person.


Reasons Why Summer Is Objectively the Worst Season

It's society's most twisted joke - they give you THREE MONTHS OFF every year so you can enjoy the summer and bask in the perfect weather...only to tear it away when you become an adult, aka "The time in your life when you actually need summers off because you could actually appreciate it a little." So while you're going to work on June 8th like it's any other day, kids are being let out of school - and you know it. You know there are whole generations that are going to enjoy today's perfect weather by going to the beach or playing basketball at the park or JUST CHILLIN OUTSIDE BECAUSE IT'S SO NICE OUT AND THEY HAVE NO RESPONSIBILITIES.

...but there you are, standing at the desk of the copy shop you work at, fueled by nothing but spite and hatred. Summer!


Reasons Why Summer Is Objectively the Worst Season

Ah man, what's the best part of summer? Ice cream? Going to the pool? Oh how about EVERYONE GETTING MURDERED AND SHOT AND VIOLENT ASSAULT RATES SKYROCKETING???

I mean, obviously not that, I was being facetious. That sucks. Just like summer.


Reasons Why Summer Is Objectively the Worst Season

At some point, you'll go to the beach on some weekend to let loose and actually try to enjoy the summer weather. Trying to enjoy summer? Big mistake. The summer weather will punish you for your impetuousness. The summer weather knows you've been stuck in some 9-to-5 dull office job during sunlight hours, and your skin is as pasty as a jar of mayonnaise. And now the summer weather wants to laugh at your misery, so will bake to you a red crisp about an hour into your first beach trip of the summer (which has a good chance of doubling as your last).

It's time to face the facts, people: summer sucks.

Almost as much as winter (ooo freezing cold AND multiple holidays where you have to spend time with your family?).

And fall (wow the main feature of this season is a shitty Starbucks drink).

And don't even get me started on spring (IT LASTS LIKE ONE WEEK TOTAL).