There's a whole bunch of hilarious people on Twitter, but comedian Jeff Wysaski AKA pleatedjeans, consistently makes us laugh with his slightly off sense of humor. If you haven't checked him out before, take a gander at some of these tweets below.
Lawyer: did your boyfriend commit the crime?-- Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) May 9, 2016
Girlfriend: honey he can't even commit to this relationship
Entire jury: OH SNAP
Job tip: write numbers on ur stomach so when the interviewer asks "why should I hire you" u can lift ur shirt & say "bc u can count on me"-- Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) July 25, 2016
Don't use a wizard wand to stir your coffee it happened once at Hogwarts the coffee expanded & flooded the dining hall 300 kids drowned-- Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) August 16, 2016
[doc pulls baby out of mom and immediately slides it under his shirt] oh no NOW I'M PREGNANT haha no [pulls it out] just kidding here you go-- Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) July 15, 2016
[holds up ring]-- Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) May 19, 2015
Will you marry me?
[slips ring on finger]
[she gains +2 intelligence and changes her mind]