once i tried to make a youtube video of myself smoking & baking a cherry pie so i could call it "pot pie" but the footage was too depressing-- Hallie Cantor (@halliecantor) June 30, 2016
Malia Obama was caught smoking pot. Man, just when you thought that family couldn't get any cooler!-- Damien Fahey (@DamienFahey) August 10, 2016
I don't consider myself a drug addict at all but imagining a life without drugs does make me want to kill myself-- Jake Weisman (@weismanjake) March 8, 2016
who needs hard drugs when you have he-said-he-wasn't-ready-for-dating-and-then-immediately-started-seeing-someone-else-after-breaking-it-off-- Ingrid Ostby (@ingridostby) May 26, 2016
FACT: people only start smoking weed because they love saying the word "paraphernalia."-- David Kantrowitz (@DavidKantrowitz) August 25, 2016
How many pot brownies do you have to feed an infant before they chill?-- Gavin Speiller (@gavinspeiller) July 1, 2016
Q: Can i mention the fact that this bartender tried to sell me drugs in this yelp review? Which is THE only reason i'm giving 5 stars?-- Alexis Wilkinson (@OhGodItsAlexis) April 16, 2016
Starting to experiment with coffee the way (cool) college freshmen do with drugs, and today is the day I end up crying at the health center.-- Alison Bennett (@bennettleigh) April 13, 2016
My wife had an ALL NATURAL BIRTH! NO DRUGS! She didn't even make NOISE! She's a WARRIOR! I'm SO PROUD of her! <--some dude="" who="" did="" nothing="" p=""> -- Janelle James (@janellejcomic) March 20, 2016
I'm not addicted to drugs. That's a misunderstanding.-- (((Paul Isakson))) (@paulytamale) March 9, 2016
I'm a shopaholic. I'm addicted to buying drugs.
Why I don't do drugs:-- Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) March 1, 2016
1 don't want my parents to worry
2 how do you get drugs?
3 what if under the influence I verily believe I can twerk?
All this weed is making me constipated and it's time I either shit or get off the pot-- Adam Rotstein (@madamepotstein) April 21, 2016
Historically weed smoking teenagers have done a lot less damage to the world than puritanical pearl clutches.-- Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) August 11, 2016
Breaking Bad was a better show, but Big Bang Theory does a better job of making me want to smoke meth.-- Jesse Neil (@JTrainNeil) March 31, 2016
Once a guy on LSD told me, "maybe God happens when we hook up all the computers" and I said, "maybe that's Satan," and he started to sweat.-- shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) June 29, 2016
If you do cocaine while pregnant, your baby comes out yelling about stock options.-- Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) May 5, 2016