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No romantic evening would be complete without a little bit of vino. The sweet elixir of the gods has a way of making our bodies loosen up, if you catch my drift. *Wink*

 

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The best way into your lover's heart it through their stomach. Fix your BAE a nice meal and watch them melt. Remember that the foods you choose matter. Stuff like burgers and fries simply aren't arousing.  Oysters, strawberries, cabbage, a bean burrito, and corn on the other hand are your one way ticket to sexy town.

 

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To really set the mood, you should do more than just clean up your place. Make your place erotic. Light some candles. Sprinkle some rose petals on the ground. Put satin sheets on your bed and a clear plastic tarp over the sheets. Make your significant feel like they're in a place that they can safely and comfortably express their love and I guarantee you it will make everything that much better.

 

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After the wine is gone and the plates have been cleared, it's time to make your move. Lean in close, brush the hair behind your lover's hair and whisper these 10 magical words in their ear: Hey baby...I want you to shit on my chest." Now it's time for the magic happen.

 

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You've done the work, and now it's time to claim your reward. Lay back and let your companion take care of the rest. Let their farts waft over you and blow your hair like a gentle summer breeze. Feel the warm tingle of dung between your bosoms. Be at one with your lover. Maybe rub it around a little. Just remember this: That massive dump on your chest will feel that much better because you took the time to set the mood just right.