[first date]-- paperwarsh (@PaperWash) September 25, 2016
her: what are you getting?
me: [holding menu close to my chest] none of your fucking business
me on a first date: yeah so i guess i would say my love language is, umm, memes-- Hannah Giorgis (@ethiopienne) September 10, 2016
Ideal first date: couple's therapy-- Megan Amram (@meganamram) December 30, 2014
How to impress a woman on a first date: "I'll pick up this $200 tab."-- James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) August 20, 2016
How to impress your wife: "This pizza was on sale & I used a coupon."
Every first date I get nervous & start asking security-type, password recovery q's-- sadvil (@crylenol) July 18, 2016
Where were you born?
First pets name?
High school mascot?
[spends a year not dating & learning to be the source of my own validation] I'm great-- Ari Scott (@ariscott) June 8, 2016
[3 seconds into first date] HI HELLO DO YOU LIKE ME
ME: my ideal first date? well to me it dosent matter wat we do as long as we share a conection-- jomny sun (@jonnysun) June 11, 2016
JOB INTERVIEWER: i meant how soon can u start
First date idea: flee from intimacy despite the fact that it's what you truly crave-- Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) April 27, 2016
Sitting next to a first date and taking comfort that every first date on Earth is equally and eternally boring as fuq-- Rekha PRANKar (@rekhalshankar) September 6, 2014
[first date]-- ♡ brian essbe ♡ (@SortaBad) April 13, 2016
So I like to-
*the book 'Huge Penis Coping Strategies for Millionaires' falls out of my bag*
Whoops sorry that's embarrassing
A fun thing to do on a first date is take a woman to a place overlooking the city and say to her "one day this could all be ours"-- Jake Weisman (@weismanjake) April 10, 2016
if you can't handle me at my worst, you're not gonna make it thru a first date with me-- Blythe Roberson (@blythelikehappy) December 31, 2015
[on a first date]-- everett byram (@rad_milk) June 19, 2016
GIRL: so what are your political views
ME: i bet if sonic the hedgehog wore rollerblades he would be even faster
FIRST DATE: "so, tell me...do you also feel nothing right now?"-- Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 14, 2016
Good first date discussion topics:-- ♡ brian essbe ♡ (@SortaBad) June 5, 2015
- Caterpillars aren't really like cats or pillars huh?
- What if you put a pizza slice inside a burrito?
[first date]-- dan mentos (@DanMentos) February 19, 2016
her: so what do you do for fun
me: tweet about hypothetical situations
her: oh wow that's really cool and sexy