Wow! I can hardly believe it, but I finally woke up from that coma I fell into the morning of November 8th (right after voting, don't worry!). It feels great to be up and at 'em - and it feels even better to put on my "I'm With Her" pin and get online to see what President-Elect Clinton has been up to and how her future administration is shaping up.

But first, to take a sip of coffee!

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Mmmmm, this coffee tastes so good in my mouth, I'm not even gonna swallow it! Just gonna let it swish around in my mouth for a while, while my computer turns on and I prepare to log online and google "now that Hillary Clinton is definitely the President-Elect, what has she been up to?".

Wow, this coffee is still tasting great. I normally would have swallowed the sip of coffee by now, but I just wanna leave it in my mouth so I can keep on tastin' it - right up until the moment where I discover the latest comings and goings of Hillary Clinton, who most certainly won the presidential election (which I missed seeing the results of, given I fell into a coma prior to the results being tabulated).

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Mmmm! Coffee! Still good!

Also a little curious what Donald Trump is up to, now that he lost and his failed charade of a campaign has concluded. What a fool that Trump was, right? Ha ha! He's likely retreated to reality television, probably hosting another season of The Celebrity Apprentice, now that he has been denied the highest office in the land. Thankfully, that is definitely the case, as there is no possibility that he won the presidency. If I found that to be the case, I would be so shocked that I would expel whatever was in my mouth in a cartoonish "spit take."

But again - there is no possibility of that happening! And on an unrelated note, this coffee is truly divine in my mouth! It is no longer very warm, but I am still enjoying it. Perhaps I'll have another sip, to fill my mouth with more warm coffee to compensate for the less warm coffee that's already in my mouth!

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Ah! The computer has turned on. Now to load up a browser window, swish the coffee around my mouth a bit more, and check out the latest political news!

Wow, I'm still lovin' this coff-

WHAT

WHAT THE FUCK

 

...


THEY FUCKING SHUT DOWN VINE?!






Note: Doug fell back into a coma immediately after writing this. The coffee is still in his mouth.