Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
'Twas The Night Before Inauguration
December 19, 2016
'Twas the night before inauguration, and all through the States
Half the country was worried 'bout the future they face.
Liberals were soaking their sorrows in gin,
With the knowledge that Donald would soon be sworn in.
Meanwhile, Trump was not snug in his bed,
But was waging a flamewar on Twitter instead.
SNL did an impression of him,
And the joke had got under his very thin skin.
All the news cycles gave the rant undeserved airtime,
As we sprang to our screens to see what he did this time.
Some called him stupid, while others agreed,
And into his ego the nation did feed.
And no matter your views, there was one thing for sure:
We were dealing with something we hadn't before.
Because our future POTUS's aims were untold,
And nobody knew what the future would hold.
Sure, Trump had said lots of things when he ran,
Like that he'd build a wall and put Muslims on ban.
But he changed what he thought at the drop of a hat.
So the promises made were worth diddly crap!
What we DID know was coming was scary as fuck.
Donald Trump filled his cabinet with dumb alt right cucks.
They all spread lies and exploited our fears,
And vowed to undo all the Obama years.
The ones who seemed sane started licking Trump's balls.
Just take a look at the House Speaker Paul.
Mr. Ryan would rather let Trump run amok,
Than admit the Republican party fucked up.
What's worse is that Trump's number two in command
Only looked out for straight, white Christian men.
If we impeached Trump for some future offense.
We'd still have to deal with a President Pence.
It was hard to say which man posed less of a threat
Who's better: a narcisist or a bigot?
'cause even though he seemed devoid of a soul,
Pence at least seemed to have some self control.
But Donald was driven by pride and by greed
He wanted the power but did not want to lead.
He only desired to feel like the best.
He couldn't have given two shits 'bout the rest.
If Donald felt threatened, he'd start to lash out
He'd insult and name call and scream and he'd shout.
He'd spew random bullshit to fight for his cause,
Paying no mind to the facts and the laws.
Just look to Twitter to see how he thought.
With each passing message he fought and he fought.
Each minor slight made the Donald explode.
And he'd soon be given our nuclear codes.
Trump ended his tantrum and soon went to sleep,
For tomorrow he'd be named commander in chief.
But he sent one last tweet 'ere he went out of sight:
A link to fake news written by the alt-right.
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.