Every week, there are people who do a bunch of downright stupid nonsense. These are the 5 dumbest people from the first week of 2017.
5. The idiot failson who got chewed out by Paul Ryan for trying to dab during a photo op
The dweeby son of newly-sworn in congressman Roger Marshall (R - KS), seen standing between his father and Speaker of the House Paul Ryan, literally tried dabbing (I don't think we need quotations marks, CNN) AT his dad's swearing in. It's hard to envision a less cool venue for dabbing - a dance move that originated in the Atlanta hip-hop scene - than next to your dad and Paul Ryan (America's stepdad) during a congressional swearing-in, but that didn't stop Cal Marshall's awkward, cringey attempt.
As if that wasn't embarrassing enough, he got called out by Paul Ryan - the SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE - for his awkward "suburban white kid dabbing" move (not that Paul Ryan knew what the hell the kid was doing - he thought he was in the midst of a prolonged sneeze).
And now, Cal - a 17 year old - has been publicly grounded by his Congressman dad for the weeniest stunt anyone could possibly imagine.
If you're going to get grounded, do something COOL, not dab next to Paul Ryan.
4. The dope who runs the Yahoo Finance Twitter account
See that? See what the typo is? Yes, of course you do, because you're a reasonable human who isn't completely illiterate. And "not being illiterate" makes you WAY better than whoever it is that runs the Yahoo Finance Twitter account, who tweeted out the above sentence and left it up for NEARLY AN HOUR before deleting (after it had been retweeted over five thousand times). Particularly in times like these, where racially-charged violent incidents are on the rise, it seems like the kind of typo that YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO CATCH PRETTY QUICK.
Yahoo's had a rough go of it lately - between revelations about major hacks and a general decline in their brand standing - so they didn't really need to be associated with this. "#NiggerNavy" became a major trend in response to this, as African-Americans across the country riffed on the tweet:
Captain: I can take you to the battle or pick you up from the battle, but I'm not doing both #NiggerNavy-- Jon Hoe (@The_DrSuave) January 6, 2017
#niggernavy "They're sending me to Korea"-- TeeY ❄️✨ (@TyStephaun) January 6, 2017
Black Moms: Well until I get Korea parents number you ain't going nowhere
Of course, they tried apologizing, but it was too little, too late:
We deleted an earlier tweet due to a spelling error. We apologize for the mistake.-- Yahoo Finance (@YahooFinance) January 6, 2017
3. The 55 Year-Old, 100% Clean Comedian Dan Nainan
Dan Nainan is something of a legend in the comedy scene, but not for the reasons he would like: he's notorious for being a hacky "clean" comedian who can't get booked at actual comedy clubs and really only playing corporate events (his primary staple joke is basically "My dad is Indian and my mom is Japanese, so I get my sushi from 7-11!"), for sending out bizarre braggadocious emails to other comedians, and for constantly lying about his age.
It is well-documented that Nainan was born in 1961 and is currently 55 years old - there's ample documentation and...well, just LOOK at the dude. He's 55 year old. That's nothing to be ashamed of - and yet, for some reason, Nainan has been desperately trying to convince people that he's actually in his mid-30s for YEARS. And this week, it finally blew up in his face.
if you add Dan Nainan's age to his Wikipedia article he'll personally revert your change within 24 hours-- The Well-Known Meat (@jimpjorps) August 21, 2014
In an extensive (and really great) profile by The Daily Beast, reporter Ben Collins explains the odd saga of Dan Nainan, his history, and why on Earth he keeps pretending to be a millenial. He's spoken to reporters at Forbes, NY Times, the Associated Press, and more, all claiming to be a 35 year old comedian. He punched someone for tweeting mean things about him during one of his sets. And again, his aggressive, braggy emails are completely bonkers:
Lol Dan Nainan is real upset about having his feelings hurt online pic.twitter.com/sdLxlxemod-- extremely online guy (@nickmullen) June 16, 2014
And he probably could have kept skating by, without much mainstream acknowledgement to what a creepy odd weirdo hack he was, if only he hadn't been so insistent on pretending to be 35 years old.
And now, here's 100% Clean Comedian Dan Nainan bombing HARD for 30 minutes straight:
2. Famous abusive human / social media crybaby Chris Brown
While Chris Brown will probably go down in history as "the guy who beat Rihanna's face into ground beef AND GOT AWAY WITH IT SOMEHOW?", that hasn't stopped him from being a weird asshole in other parts of life - namely, on social media, where Chris Brown got into the most middle school whiny beef possible with Soulja Boy, after...Soulja Boy liked a pic of Brown's ex, Karrueche Tran.
Yes, that's the reason for the latest beef - a dude clicking "like" on an Instagram photo. THAT'S IT.
Chris brown just called me and said he wanna fight me because I liked @karrueche picture on Instagram this nigga a bitch 😂😂😂😂-- Soulja Boy (@souljaboy) January 3, 2017
The difference between me and Chris is I shot a Nigga before. And he hit a woman before. We not the same 😈 #BigSoulja-- Soulja Boy (@souljaboy) January 3, 2017
From there, things went down the typical path of online drama you might find at your average middle school, except this was with millionaire celebrities in front of an audience of millions of followers - threatening each other, challenges to boxing matches, a huge variety of insults, etc. Eventually, Soulja Boy posted an apology video, and in response...Chris Brown got his lawyer to threaten Soulja Boy on Twitter:
Now, it seems like they might seriously arrange a boxing match to settle the score? At the very least, Chris Brown is posting very cringey photoshops of himself as a boxer:
1. Donald Trump
Actual, real President-Elect of the United States of America, Donald Trump, is still an asshole - let's not even get into the actual political moves he's been making, but he can't even restrain himself from trashing The Celebrity Apprentice...a show that he STILL IS AN EXECUTIVE PRODUCER ON.
Wow, the ratings are in and Arnold Schwarzenegger got "swamped" (or destroyed) by comparison to the ratings machine, DJT. So much for....-- Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 6, 2017
being a movie star-and that was season 1 compared to season 14. Now compare him to my season 1. But who cares, he supported Kasich & Hillary-- Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 6, 2017
Again - this is still a show he has a vested interest in and receives money for his role as "executive producer." But even without that, why is the President-Elect taunting a reality show on Twitter?! (honestly, it IS pretty entertaining that he's still this petty and bitter, but that doesn't make it any less bizarre)
Arnold Schwarzenegger, in response, threw some genial passive-aggressive shade at the soon-to-be most powerful person on Earth:
I wish you the best of luck and I hope you'll work for ALL of the American people as aggressively as you worked for your ratings.-- Arnold (@Schwarzenegger) January 6, 2017