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Listen, we've all been to our fair share of orgies - and after a few, you start to learn a few simple etiquette lessons that you can apply to basically any orgy you attend. Here are some quick tips for YOUR next group-sex night.



1. Always bring a towel.

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Listen - a lot of fluids are gonna be flying around at any given moment of an orgy, and you can't depend on the orgy host to have enough fresh towels for every person at the orgy. You don't want to be the guy mopping up fluids on your body with the communal jizz-mop, so just remember to bring your own towel.



2. Do NOT be the first one to arrive.

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You don't wanna be the one to START the orgy - and if you're the first to arrive, that's exactly what's going to happen. And maybe the only other people there are not ideal orgy partners, but you're going to be stuck banging them, because you just HAAAAD to arrive 5 minutes early. Early bird is stuck with the small-dicked worm, as orgy-goers say.



3. ...But also don't be the LAST.

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Oh wow - you do NOT wanna be a Johnny-Come-Lately to an orgy (or, uh, to be more orgy-specific, Johnny-C**-Lately). Everyone's already pairing off, and you're left with the scraps that no one else wanted. Late bird is stuck with the stinky-vagina'd-worm, as orgy-goers say.



4. Go to the bathroom beforehand.

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You don't want to be the guy or gal taking a loud dump when you're a guest at ANYONE'S house, let alone the house of an orgy. How many people are going to wanna give you a rimjob after you have a bout of diarrhea? Just Warren, but Warren's into some pretty weird stuff, so that doesn't really count.

The point is, make sure you take a shit at home before driving your Honda Accord to the orgy.



5. Bring enough buttplugs for everyone.

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Like the old grade school maxim says - "Don't bring candy unless you've brought enough for everyone." Same goes for buttplugs. If you only bring enough for a few select individuals, everyone else is going to feel left out and bad - but if you bring enough buttplugs for everyone to enjoy, you'll have a much happier and more productive orgy on your hands.



6. For hosts - make sure you have (at least) two functioning bathrooms.

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After an orgy, there's a LOT of bathroom business to take care of - people need to shower, take a pee, scrub the ejaculate out of their hair, or just freshen up. And if you have a standard attendance orgy (approximately 8-20 participants), you're going to have a LOT of people who need to use the bathroom around the same time. So make sure you have at least two working, clean bathrooms ready-to-go, as well as a kitchen sink that can be used for washing up when the bathrooms are taken.

Warren will have likely already taken a shit on someone's chest during the orgy, thankfully, so there's one person who won't be using the bathroom afterwards.



7. Be respectful to the orgy host's home.

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The clean-up process after an orgy is a MESSY ONE! No matter how well a host prepares for an orgy with plastic sheets and rugs, there are bound to be stains, scuffs, and all kinds of blotches left behind. So, as an orgy participant, be sure to be respectful of the orgy-house at all times. If you spill some bodily fluids somewhere, don't just leave it - be the first to clean it up. If you see someone else squirt or expel a fluid and don't realize it, don't ignore it or expect them to clean it up - do it yourself! We're all in this orgy together, so let's help each other out.



8. Send a thank you card to the host and anyone who poured hot candle wax on your balls.

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Simple etiquette, people.