Listen, I love the Harry Potter books and films (and even a few of the games - for real, that Quidditch game for Gamecube was pretty rad) - but I still recognize they have one big flaw: Harry Potter, the character, sucks. He's mostly just extremely lucky and has other people saving his ass CONSTANTLY, all while he wastes time and screws up non-stop. So to reflect this, we decided to give more honest names to the Harry Potter books and films - and we think this makes things a lot clearer:
Sure, Harry Potter is the supposed "chosen one", but what does he actually do for himself?
Harry's lucky streak continues in the Chamber of Secrets, where
When all appears to be lost, HARRY IS JUST HANDED A TIME TRAVEL DEVICE. COME ON.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
First off, it is INSANE how convoluted Voldemort and Barty Crouch Jr.'s scheme is - and even more insane how Harry manages to fall right into it.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Harry is so bad at everything, it's INSANE.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Harry frickin' Potter:
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
I do not get why Harry Potter is the main character of these books and not Neville Longbottom. Neville's the one who actually works hard, tries to improve himself, has the odds stacked against him, has no one who really praises him or believes in him, and is dealing with REAL pain (seeing his parents in their states of catatonic shock vs. knowing your parents died stopping Magic Hitler and imbuing you with magic protection). And while Harry does a solid job at tracking down the Horcruxes, it's the ending that seals the deal:
In short, I hope someone remakes all of these movies, but starring Neville.