These are the tweets worth scrolling down your feed for.
JACOB MARLEY: 3 ghosts will visit-- MehGyver (@AndrewNadeau0) October 9, 2016
ME: Including you?
JM: What? No
M: So, 4 ghosts.
M: 4 ghosts.
JM: This is why no one likes you.
Going for "bad boys" is bullshit. You won't change him. Want someone who ignores you and is alternately loving and rude to you? Get a cat.-- Mara Wilson (@MaraWilson) September 1, 2014
I just want to be smart enough to know who the Google Doodles are celebrating without having to look it up.-- Spencer Robinson (@13spencer) May 13, 2015
2017 crisis: an app showed me what I'll look like when I'm old and I didn't like it.-- shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) April 21, 2017
Nice try, 100 spiders working together to operate a keyboard. pic.twitter.com/7FXgF1P088-- Carly (@brunchproblems) April 20, 2017
Get you a girl who can do both: pic.twitter.com/mzTbgM1A6z-- Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) April 21, 2017
you know those days where you get out of bed and it's straight productivity.... https://t.co/NcYeDJz0bD-- Ginje (@TmtisClutch) April 19, 2017
"I love horses"-- Nathan Usher (@thenatewolf) November 5, 2015
- Someone who would sit on a horse and make the horse carry them around.
Roses are red,-- what (@chanelpuke) April 21, 2017
Obama is well spoken,
I'm sorry miss, pic.twitter.com/2uFMTzwvhN
I mean... I'm listening pic.twitter.com/X4yeUsR23N-- maura quint (@behindyourback) April 21, 2017
I was quite flexible when I was younger. The kids at school used to call me Spider-Man because my uncle was murdered.-- David Hughes (@david8hughes) April 21, 2017
we'll miss everything about brent except his pranks they were the worst [hears everyone at my funeral agree and I shift nervously in casket]-- brent (@murrman5) April 20, 2017