1. The Fate of the Furious

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With the tragic loss of Paul Walker, the Fast & Furious franchise is pretty much exclusively two kinds of characters: ladies who can kick your ass, and incredibly muscly bald dudes who grimace at each other but ultimately care about each other....because FAMILY.



2. The Smurfs: The Lost Village

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What do you mean 2 live action movies? LOL sure whatever you say. Hank Azaria as Gargamel? Katy Perry as Smurfette? Uhhh did someone forget to take their pills, grandpa??? Hahaha no way Hollywood would've been stupid enough to make a pair of movies that ill-conceived! Anyways, this movie makes a lot more sense than THAT crazy idea, since it's an all-animated adventure just like the cartoon series and there are no pop stars voicing lead characters or anything.

...oh wait Demi Lovato's playing Smurfette, so nevermind.



3. Going In Style

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MICHAEL? MICHAEL YOUR FATHER AND I JUST SAW A VERY NICE MOVIE, YOU SHOULD SEE IT. INVITE THAT ALEXIS GIRL I SAW ON YOUR FACEBOOK PHOTOS. THAT MICHAEL CAINE IS STILL A LOOKER - DON'T TELL YOUR FATHER I SAID THAT! HAHA, I'M SO BAD.



4. Sandy Wexler

If Movie Posters Were Honest (April 2017 Edition)

Listen, I've talked about this before, but honestly - you've gotta respect Adam Sandler. He's figured out a way to make a bunch of money by just hanging out with his friends, going on vacations, and goofing around. Sure, the movies suck, but it's a pretty cool gig for him.



5. The Promise

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The Armenian Genocide is one of the great tragedies of the past century - made more tragic by the fact that so many countries refuse to acknowledge it in any official capacity (due to wanting to keep friendly relations with Turkey, who - for various reasons you can read about here - do not want people talking about it). And that's why The Promise is such a big deal - it's not just ANY sad depressing genocide film, it's a sad depressing genocide film about a topic that most people didn't even realize was a thing. See? You can find a new thing to be depressed about every day.



6. Unforgettable

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There was a brief period where Katherine Heigl looked like she was gonna conquer Hollywood - she was in a surprise hit film with Knocked Up, she had an Emmy-winning role on a huge TV hit with Grey's Anatomy, and she had a weird last name with an "L" just kinda hanging out by itself. What could stop her? Well, her. Between disparaging the cast and crew of Knocked Up (that hit movie she starred in) and completely throwing the writers of Grey's Anatomy under the bus in a very public fashion, everyone became a little wary of working alongside her. And now she's playing bitchy ex-wife characters in low-budget erotic thrillers. Just goes to show you...there should be an "E" on either side of that "L."



7. The Circle

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What if tech companies didn't have your best interests in mind??? CRAZY!!!