But wait - you NEVER do this. What are you trying to make up for? Did you do something shitty that's going to piss off your significant other and you're trying to soften the blow???
Okay wait something's definitely up. First the towel thing, then this? What did you do? Just come clean and get it over with.
Oh jeez - mid-2000s John Legend. Christ, man, what did you do???
Holy shit whatever you did must have been SO bad. Jesus dude.
Did you kill someone or something??? It's not your anniversary, they're gonna know something's up.
Oh my god, whatever you did must be unforgivable. Just break up with them, there's no way this ends without the worst fight of your life.
JUST FUCKIN RUN DUDE. GO TO MEXICO, LEAVE EVERYTHING BEHIND. FIND THAT GUY FROM BREAKING BAD WHO CAN JUST GET YOU A NEW LIFE CUZ WHATEVER YOU DID IS TOO AWFUL TO IMAGINE. DID YOU CHEAT ON HER? WITH HER MOM OR SOMETHING? AND THEN KILL HER DOG? WHATEVER, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW, JUST TAKE WHATEVER MONEY YOU CAN AND RUN.