1. A Macbook Pro That Won't Be Rendered Obsolete 6 Months After I Buy It

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Ahhh, save for years to afford a new MacBook Pro, and it's INSTANTLY made obsolete by a WAY WAY better version like a couple months later. I'm not sure how to fix an issue like this, but IT KINDA STINGS.



2. An iPhone Charger That Doesn't Half-Break So You Have To Hold It In a Specific Way Just To Charge Your Phone

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Oh cool, the little inserter-thingy is slightly bent, so now I have to doublecheck that my phone is exactly balanced right otherwise it won't charge. Great, much better than that old charger!



3. A Phone That Dies When It Goes Below 1% Battery, Not 5% Battery. What's The Point of the Other 4%?!

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GIVE ME BACK MY PHANTOM PERCENTAGES, APPLE.



4. An Phone Where The Screen Doesn't Crack When You Drop It. Samsung Figured This Out, Why Can't Apple?

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JUST STOP MAKING IT OUT OF GLASS. I DON'T CARE IF THAT MAKES JONY IVE SUPER BUMMED OUT.



5. A FUCKING HEADPHONE JACK JESUS CHRIST HOW IS THIS SERIOUSLY SOMETHING I HAVE TO ASK FOR IN 2017??

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I GET THAT YOU WANT TO SELL MORE DONGLES AND OVERPRICED AIRPODS BUT C'MON THIS SEEMS LIKE A PRETTY BASIC REQUEST.



6. A Version of iTunes That...Works?

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It kinda blows my mind how iTunes is still randomly messed up - not opening right, not syncing correctly, constantly telling me to update it, etc. But at least it's also weirdly bloated and slow!



7. An Amazon Echo that costs $300 more and looks like a roll of toilet paper in exchange for slightly better speakers oh wait THEY JUST ANNOUNCED THAT FOR REAL GREAT

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Who was asking for this? Remember when Apple was the innovator in the consumer tech space - pushing new types of products that no one else was trying (touchscreen phones) and popularizing things that had previously failed (tablets)? And now they're desperately playing catch-up to Amazon and Google, except at a much higher cost and with a way uglier design. And the name "HomePod"? Yikes.

But honestly I'll take this ball-of-yarn that plays music-slash-reports everything I say to the government AS LONG AS THEY MAKE iTUNES WORKABLE.