Jerry Seinfeld was on the red carpet the other night, being interviewed by a local radio station, when something INCREDIBLY Seinfeld-ian happened to him: famous singer Ke$ha came up to him and tried to give him a hug...and Jerry Seinfeld flat out rejected her hug attempt, setting up an awkward, cringeworthy scene of Ke$ha pleading for a hug and Jerry desperately trying to shoo her away:
It really did feel like a scene ripped straight from an actual episode of Seinfeld - aka any hilariously awkward social interaction with Jerry Seinfeld front and center. Of course, Jerry probably gets this sort of thing A LOT (being insanely famous and all) and he simply wasn't familiar with Ke$ha, so why would he accept a hug from a stranger?
Lots of people on the internet noticed this and started envisioning what would follow in an actual episode of Seinfeld - but perhaps the best thread can be found on this Reddit submission, where a few redditors pieced together the scene person by person in a fashion that would make Larry David proud.
We reformatted it for readability, but huge shout-out to redditors pw_15, SmokeyBare, TooShiftyForYou, and marx051 for writing the scene:
"So I'm standing there talking to this reporter, answering his questions, you know, and this lady walks up like she knows me, and does this hugging motion!"
"Hugging motion? Who does that?!"
"This lady apparently. And I'm thinking to myself Oh No, do I know this person? Is this that girl I dated last week? I can't remember her name!"
"Mulva, her name was Mulva. What was the hugging motion like? Was it like this?"
"So Jerry. I hear you turned down Kesha."
"What's a Kesha?"
(gathering hats from Jerry's closet) "What's a Kesha? What's a Kesha?! Wow, you're really out of touch Jerry." (begins trying different hats on the chicken)
"Hello boys. Uh, what's with the chicken?"
"It's for the show tonight."
"So Elaine, what do you think about a woman just introducing herself with a hug?"
"What kind of hug?"
"You know, a full on hug. Both arms all the way around."
"Do you know her?"
"That's just it, I'm really not sure."
"Well I think it's OK if you know her."
"I don't see why you're complaining. I wish more women would hug me."
"Well if I knew that I knew her, I probably would have just hugged her".
"Who do you maybe think it was?"
"That girl... I was dating a couple of weeks ago..."
"Mulva? You mean the woman that looks like Kesha?"
"Who is this Kesha?"
"I can't believe you turned down Kesha. Where's your bowler hat Jerry??? You know I needed that bowler hat!"
"Well? Who was it?"
"That was my new agent. He says he's booked a lunch meeting tomorrow with Kesha. Apparently she wants to work with me and thinks I'm the perfect spokesman for her new hat line."
"You reject a hug from Kesha and now you get to have lunch with her!?"
"Wait just a minute Jerry. You're saying that this Kesha has hats? Hats for your head? You've got to let me come with you to that lunch. I'll drive you."
"Does your agent know you rejected her hug live on television?"
"I... I don't think so. This could be very uncomfortable tomorrow"
"How tall is she?"
"Maybe you could initiate a hug tomorrow, set things straight?"
"No, not an option." Reaching for the phone "I'm calling my agent back, the meeting is off..."
"Jerry, don't throw away this opportunity! This could be your big in! Your chance to finally make it! Plus you promised Little Pablo a bowler hat, and a bowler hat he shall have! Jerry, I'm begging you, don't cancel that meeting! This is KESHA we're talking about! And Little Pablo! Don't say no to Little Pablo..."
"Fine, I'll do the meeting but I'm not hugging!"
"Aww, thanks buddy!" Waves with chicken wing
"So if there's no hug how are you going to greet her? Shake her hand?
"If you rejected my hug on TV, I sure wouldn't shake your hand."
"Yeah, I really gotta come up with something here."
So remember, don't try to hug Jerry Seinfeld, especially if you don't know him. But at least if you DO attempt an awkward interaction with him, the internet will deliver some pretty solid Seinfeld fan fiction scripts.