In the short time since Taylor Swift released "Look What You Made Me Do" people have been trying to figure it out what it means. Some people see it as a very pointed attack on Kanye West. Others think it's a dig at Katy Perry. Some have even gone so far as to say  it's about Arya Stark. While all these theories are convincing, none of them are right...at least, not fully. What they fail to mention is the secret confession that Taylor has hidden in the lyrics. You ready for this? Here it is:

Taylor Swift is Santa Claus.

The Secret Confession Hidden In Taylor Swift's New SongDon't believe me? Well let's just have a look at the lyrics then.


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Let's start with the most obvious reference to Taylor's hidden identity. Just in case you guys aren't aware, here's a little background information: Santa Claus aka Kris Kringle is the beloved spirit of Christmas. One of Santa Claus's primary jobs is giving gifts to all the good little boys and girls on Christmas Eve. The way he determines who gets what is by using what's called a "Naughty and nice list." As referenced in the classic song "Santa Claus is Coming to Town", he is know for checking the list twice, just as Taylor claims to in "Look What You Made Me Do". The phrasing is no accident. This lyric is a direct reference to Swift's secret identity. 

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Not all of the references to Swift being Santa are quite so obvious. Some are small, but no less important. Take for example the above lyric which seem a little cryptic, right? I mean, who the hell doesn't like keys? Maybe someone who doesn't use anymore because they go down chimneys! It's all starting to add up, isn't it?

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By now, you're probably starting to agree with me that Taylor Swift is, in fact, Saint Nicholas. What you're probably still confused about is how she got to be that way. For the answer to this, you need look no further than Tim Allen's immortal classic The Santa Clause. In it, we learn that when one Santa dies, the title of Santa Claus is passed down to the next person to put on his coat. This allows Santa to continually rise up from the dead and like Swift says in the song, it happens all the time. This  brings us to the song's most famous lyric:

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Obviously Taylor's not really dead. Instead, like Tim Allen, she has become an unwitting victim of the Santa Clause. In the time since the release of her "1989" album, Swift's jet setting lifestyle put he in a situation where she witnessed the death of the former Santa Claus. In an act of hubris, Swift put on his coat and unwittingly inherited his legacy. It is at this moment that the "Old Taylor" died, as her identity was completely transformed in an instant. She became Santa Claus...Unfortunately for her, she's not too happy about it.

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At this point you might be wondering why the sound sounds so angry. If Swift is indeed  Santa, shouldn't the song be happy and nice? Well, unfortunately Taylor is not happy about her new station in life. Her life has essentially been taken from her. Everyone else's life moves forward as normal but she is spent shelled up in the North Pole continually checking her list to see who deserves good things and who deserves coal. As she puts it, all she thinks about is karma. She then claims that the only thing for sure is that we'll all get ours, a clear reference to the presents she will dish out. What's interesting about that line in the context is that it almost sounds like a threat. That's because Taylor Swift is pissed that she must do all this work to ensure that the ungrateful masses get their presents.

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I stated before that there is a lot of speculation as to who the "you" in this song refers to, and the sad truth is that it refers to all of us who celebrate Christmas. The above lyrics provide the clearest explanation of why Swifty Claus is so upset with humanity. As she say,  we ask her for stuff (This particular person seems to have wanted a bed for Christmas) and then we throw lavish meals without inviting her. We literally lock her out and force her to use a chimney in order to give us gifts. This further explains why she hates keys now. She has no use for them anymore, and they represent the locks that keep her isolated. Also, as she says, "They used to be mine."

Of course you're probably saying, "Well it's just a song. Taylor's not ACTUALLY Santa Claus" and to you I say, "You're right." I mean, obviously Taylor Swift isn't actually Santa. I mean, it's not like she goes around giving people Christmas presents.....Oh wait.



From the description of the video:

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There can be no doubt.

Now that we know that Taylor Swift is, in fact, a Santa Claus resentful of all humanity, we must ask about the song's chorus. What did we make her do? Unfortunately, I can't tell you that. The album won't come out until November, the traditional start of the holiday season, so it seems like we'll have to wait until then to be sure. That said, with a resentful, superstar Santa Claus on the loose, I feel pretty confident that we won't be having a very merry Christmas this year.