These tweets are so good, they deserve their own personal trophies.
1. This must happen a lot.
me venting to someone that probably low key hates me and is gonna talk shit about me in a group chat later pic.twitter.com/7e3aruJfo0-- adrian (@homosexualangeI) August 24, 2017
2. Sadly true.
Gonna need you to finish your story real quick so i can tell you how the same thing happened to me, but its more interesting cause i'm in it-- shut up, mike ginn (@shutupmikeginn) August 10, 2017
3. And if you don't, NOBODY TELL THEM.
You already know what the fuck is going on pic.twitter.com/kYdQwdXiEY-- Darkskin God (@__JoshRose) August 24, 2017
4. Love it.
Wife: How did her first day of school go?-- Tim (@Playing_Dad) August 24, 2017
Me: Good, I think.
Wife: Did she wear the gray outfit?
Me: Did you say "gray"? pic.twitter.com/Tds5XuHnn9
5. Girls love when guys can turn foods into weapons.
Girls love it when guys:-- alan watts + NIN (@intellegint) August 24, 2017
- are respectful
- are handsome
- eat watermelon really fast and spit out the seeds like a machine gun
6. The best possible way to handle that situation.
I got a bunch of dental surgery and while waiting for a cab to go home a dude catcalled me so I just let a ton of blood fall out my mouth-- Best Bi™ (@UnburntWitch) August 24, 2017
7. Lays. Time to pull the plug on that flavor.
8. "But he's having a heart attack."
Flight Attendant: Help! Is there a doctor on board???-- Abam Droud (@AdamBroud) January 29, 2017
Weird Aunt: *holding bottle of lavender essential oils* I have something even better
9. *long awkward pause* *tries to kiss interviewer again*
[job interview]-- Tommytoughstuff (@Tommytoughstuff) September 12, 2014
"So what would you say is your biggest weakness?"
"I'm pretty bad at reading situations." *tries to kiss interviewer*
10. True. Posers.
👏🏼dont 👏🏼wear 👏🏼vans 👏🏼if 👏🏼you 👏🏼have 👏🏼never 👏🏼been 👏🏼hit 👏🏼by 👏🏼one-- dog daddy (@broebong) August 24, 2017
11. Cheer up, pigeons. Life is probably better on the outside anyways.
my favorite animals at the zoo are just the random birds walking around like they belong. Go home pigeon, this is fancy bird town-- shut up, mike ginn (@shutupmikeginn) April 30, 2015