Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
The 7 Kinds of White People You'll Meet In Undergrad
August 30, 2017
Grows their own spices (doesn't use them
Thinks 4/20 is Bob Marley's Birthday
Makes intense eye contact while hula hooping
Thinks they're not racist cuz their dealer is Black
Caucasian Level: "There's only one race, the HUMAN race"
Looks like all the Hollywood Chris-es combined
Gets away with microaggressions because explaining racial injustice to their soulful, sensitive face is just too difficult
Pretends they're happy that Moonlight won the Oscar instead of LaLa Land
Is literally just one medical breakthrough away from becoming the villain from Get Out
Caucasian Level: John Hughes Movie
Says the 'N' Word when it's in the song
Tells Black girl he's hitting on about other Black girls he's dated
Has 3 followers on Soundcloud
Has the required amount of black friends to not seem racist (which is now 4)
Caucasian Level: "Kanye's new stuff is better"
May understand systemic oppression and its adverse effects on society, still "can't believe Trump won"
Can eat spicy food
May be more offended than you are, about an offensive thing, that has happened to you
Wears shoes on the couch
Caucasian Level: "Stephen Colbert is bae"
Memes in real life
Will correct your grammar while you're talking
Enjoys making obscure references, so that you'll ask about it, and they can explain the entire plot of whatever they referenced
Will whisper "That's Stan Lee" EVERY TIME
Caucasian Level: "But Westeros is set in medieval England"
Really into horses
Stares because they've never really seen POC except on TV
Unclear if their favorite notepad is for very detailed journal or secret murder list
Probably from New England
Caucasian Level: can drink a full glass of milk
There's a parking meter dedicated to their great great slave owner grandpa and they won't shut up about it
Transparently benefits from capitalism
Thinks diversity means white women
Has seen "The Wire" if the topics of race, drugs, or Baltimore ever come up
Caucasian Level: 666
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.