Guy Gets Made Mayor of Hell, Michigan, and Immediately Bans All Straights

Internet comedian (and author of Donald Trump gay erotica novel, Temptations: The Billionaire and the Bellboy) Elijah Daniel had a dream: to become a politician, because hey why not?



Of course, this was just a one-off tweet that didn't seem to have any actual intention behind it. But then Daniel actually looked into the easiest path to becoming a politician: become the mayor of Hell, Michigan.









Of course, there's a catch - ANYONE can become the mayor of Hell for a day, as part of Hell's "Be Mayor of Hell" promotion, where you pay about $100 and get to be the mayor for a day (and guaranteed impeachment at the end of the day). The full benefits of being Hell's mayor include:

• Set of Devil Horns to wear
• T-Shirt with Mayor of Hell on the front and "Impeached"
   on the back
• Office of Mayor Hell, MI Coffee Mug
​• Official Mayor of Hell Badge
• Official Mayor of Hell Wallet Card
• Ownership of One Square Inch of Hell, Michigan
   with Official Property Deed
• Bottle of Official Hell Dirt
• A Proclamation naming the recipient as Hell's Mayor
   for that particular day
• A Proclamation of Impeachment
• Mayor's Name on the "Hell Mayor for the Day" Board
• The Mayor will also receive phone calls throughout the
​   day with important tasks and decisions to make


But what made Daniel's stint as mayor a little more interesting than most was his only official action as mayor: banning all heterosexuals from the town.

Mayor Daniel's proclamation seems extreme but fair - he's simply trying to protect Hell from the rampant straights who come in, have a bunch of straight babies, and steal all of the gay jobs. And while all existing straights in Hell will need to give the mayor's office an $84,000 deposit (as a precaution against procreation costs), they will generously be returned that money if they can remain abstinent for a full year. Mayor Daniel also arranged for a heterosexual reparative therapy program that would undo the damage of that deviant sexual lifestyle - and made it completely voluntary.

However, those who do NOT volunteer would be required to wear a scarlet H and report to the town square each morning (at 5:30am) to be straight-shamed by the rest of the community (in cargo shorts, no less).

He went on to give some context for the move:





Sadly, it seems like the ban will not be enforceable, particularly since Mayor Daniel was forcibly impeached after his 24 hours as Mayor were up. Still, he valued the experience, learned a lot, and has a message for another politician who's just doing it as a goof: