Forget paying a $5 cover or meeting a drink minimum, these standup jokes are brought directly to your lazy asses, free of charge. What more could you ask for?

1. Pete Stegemeyer

And they both end with a disgusting feeling of regret.

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2. James Etchison

Kraft, get on this idea.

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3. Nicky Bernal

Disney, you dogs.

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4. Kevin Ward

I bet it is. Like, I will literally bet you.

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5. Zac Townsend

Shots fired. Your move, Applebees.

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6.  Tommy Gill

Depressing but uplifting at the same time. My emotions are torn.

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7. John Dick Winters

Also, my dad's all about both.

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8. Jen O'Donnell

Oh damn. That's just plain evil.

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9. Bennett Brown

A Titty Tornado ravages the titties and the surrounding appendages.

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10. @MonnaComedy

This is what happens when your best friend names their dog your future child's name.

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