We don't want to make promises we can't keep - and while I genuinely believe the following tweets are very funny, I can't promise what your reaction to them will be. Maybe you're not someone who laughs too easily - or maybe you're reading these after learning of some devastating, tragic personal news and just in no mood to giggle. But I do firmly believe you will (at a minimum) snicker lightly at at least one of these - so please enjoy, and I hope you will leave this place a little bit more joyful than when you arrived.
1. As someone who has worked on the internet for many years, I can confirm this is the truest thing possible.
baby boomers love the comment sections on articles about millennials bc it's the closest they can get to talking to the internet's manager-- blocked thot (@chaeronaea) September 27, 2017
2. When the robots take over Terminator-style, they will have plenty of justification for wanting humanity destroyed.
Men: Feminists are ruining what it is to be a man and making us look like fools-- TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) September 28, 2017
Also men: pic.twitter.com/sjvCWyAFEp
3. Aw jeez, Rick...
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣀⡀-- Xander (@GiornoPizza) September 28, 2017
I TURNED MYSELF INTO A TWEET MORTY, IM TWEET RIIIICK
4. "Humans should stop asking questions and give cats nice belly rubs and also treats....reports the NY Times."
di--did the cat write this pic.twitter.com/sNOa9A2iIW-- erin chack (@ErinChack) September 28, 2017
5. This should be on an episode of Law & Order, immediately.
Just settled a divorce over Parrot custody/visitation. Neither may teach it negative phrases abt the other.-- Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) September 15, 2016
I went to law school for this.
6. Honestly, this person should just own it and make that their permanent email signature.
ACCIDENTALLY PASTED THIS INTO AN EMAIL INSTEAD OF MY E-SIGNATURE, AND IN MY PANIC TO DELETE IT MANAGED TO SEND IT. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. pic.twitter.com/a5ZDWyJiK4-- the princess king (@katydeedonnelly) September 25, 2017
7. Not all heroes wear capes. Some just do this.
Gas station worker takes the only step after customer refused to put out his cigarette pic.twitter.com/31JyzJTYn1-- Eric Alper (@ThatEricAlper) October 4, 2017
8. Kinda wish this review were a little longer.
Pretty funny column in the Rochester student paper. The kids are alright. pic.twitter.com/yQrjGd93bH-- Aryeh Cohen-Wade (@AryehCW) October 4, 2017
9. Grandpa is brutal.
all because I said no to bingo night pic.twitter.com/W8Ojp0eQqx-- bauhausfanaccoun (@hypedresonance) October 6, 2017
10. "Here's my friend, Pat Sajak. He wants to have rubes spin a wheel to do crossword puzzles and occasionally take away all of their winnings."
TREBEK: i want to quiz a bunch of nerds and in the middle we'll have them tell dumb stories from their lives-- Ben Rosen (@ben_rosen) October 4, 2017
TREBEK: but i'm going to run it like a weird backwards riddle show from the mirror dimension
11. "Please destroy Medusa to return all cats to their original forms....reports the Washington Post."
RIP cat who thought sunglasses would stop Medusa pic.twitter.com/lpHNuRGdJy-- Joe Saunders (@SaundersJoe) October 5, 2017
12. Jeff Goldblum is a silver(blum) fox.
If ever you need to visualize the saying "getting better with age." pic.twitter.com/TUapD0TybA-- ✨Fancy Black™ ✨ (@eddluxe) October 9, 2017
13. "Oh, it's just the guy from Supernatural. Totally normal, nevermind."
so the neighbor just sent my dad a message on facebook.... pic.twitter.com/5DACgVGVGa-- kellie (@gyllenhaaIl) October 3, 2017