1. Everyone wants to bang you...so it's assumed you're taken and as a result no one bangs you

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A classic problem all super-geniuses who are great at banging must deal with - everyone knows you could have anyone you wanted, so as a result everyone assumes you are ungettable and you end up never banging ever.



2. You are such a huge genius with a big brain that you get confused pretty easily and have trouble paying attention to things (because your brain is too smart to bother with boring stuff)

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You are too smart for things like reading or math or following conversations or understanding big words, because your brain is so far advanced beyond such mundane concepts - you're probably thinking of deep philosophical mysteries, like "what if you glued your butthole shut so that the poop couldn't get out there, and it had to go in reverse and come out of your mouth?"



3. You don't have any friends because everyone is intimidated with how smart you are and how attractive you are (they can't be friends with you because they want you sexually too much and know it would just be torture to be "just friends" with you)

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You are very intimidating to all others - and they are both drawn to you (because wow you're smart and cool and hot) AND scared of you (because you're SO smart and cool and hot that it's like, TOO MUCH). Also they all wanna bang you too much (regardless of sexuality) so none could accept being friends with you without wanting to take your relationship to the next step (aka banging).



4. People make fun of you all the time for smelling bad (my brain knows its pointless to shower because you're just going to get dirty again) and picking your nose (wow clearing out nasal passages is "uncool"? lol you trogladikes)

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Le sigh. Some people don't understand that cool geniuses don't have time to waste on such pointless things like bathing and brushing your teeth. If my current teeth go bad and fall out, I'll just get ROBOT TEETH (which will be stronger and metal so I can eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch without it hurting).



5. The so-called "cool kids" keep calling you "Captain Shitpants" because you shit your pants ONE TIME (reality is they know you are much cooler and smarter and better at banging so they want to tear you down)

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For as cool and smart and hot as you are, there will always be others who are jealous of your qualities and try to bring you down to their level. But at the same time, their mean nickname for you DOES have "Captain" in it, meaning they respect you because that's a pretty high army rank.



6. Your genius brain is so advanced that you have evolved past the normal things that most regular people find "sexually stimulating" (aka "horny-making" for non-geniuses), and the only things that you find attractive are Sonic the Hedgehog's feet (because of your evolved mind)

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Sorry ladies, but none of you have anything on the raw sexuality of the blue blur.



7. The people you are attracted to are too dumb to understand your witty genius pick-up lines and call you "weirdo" or "creep"

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When I say smooth lines like "Hello, human with two X chromosomes - I find your vision-balls (aka your eyes) extremely frivolous (aka hot), therefore I would like to take you to my quarters (aka my room) for sexual relations (aka banging)" the X-chromosome-having ladies (science term, nbd) just call me names and laugh at me and walk away.

Then other times they say "you know you're actually a huge idiot, right?" and "No one will ever want to be around you so long as you're a weird condescending smelly jerk to everyone, Captain Shitpants" and other things that make you finally pause and reflect upon yourself and your actions....and make you realize you ARE a huge cool supergenius and this X-chromosome-haver is actually just super jealous that they're not as smart as you are.

Now excuse me, I have to go enjoy some academic pursuits (aka "watch Rick & Morty").