Apparently there is a woman who got kicked off of a Delta flight for wanting to sing the national anthem as a fallen soldier was being carried off-board. I think that is such a beautiful show of gratitude for our soldiers, except for one thing: Why didn't she sing when she got on the plane? Or when drinks were being handed out? Or how about when she got up to use the restroom? This woman is clearly not a 100% TRUE patriot! However, I am!
For the past 2 weeks I have been singing the national anthem every hour on the hour - every day. I find it a great way to salute the good ol' USA for the opportunity to work 40 hours a week at my uncle's Shazam for hentai start-up. I stand on my desk that I share with two other gorgeous people and belt out the classic "Oh say, can't you see?" and at first everyone was stunned, dead silence that someone like ME could do something like that. They were like "This is so patriotic and really so beautiful. I mean, look at his cool fashion senses and very strong legs. I bet he does backyard sword-welding." At least, that's what their eyes were telling me.
Lately, everytime I gather the troops for our 3 PM coffee salute (my 8 co-workers who are all full-blooded, white, Americans) they never stand-up and sing, in fact, they yell at me! I understand if I'm singing modern music that has NO meaning whatsoever like USHER or KoRn (they do not know how to spell their own name, please do not listen to them), that they would ask me to be quiet, but instead I sing the most thoughtful song ever!
I will start screeching out "Oh say, can't you see? By the dog's early flight" They say hurtful things like, "Hey you don't know the lyrics" and "knock it off, please, this is a communal Shazam for hentai workspace." David, (one of my more gorgeous coworkers) has gone as far as coming in and leaving a little earlier so he wouldn't have to hear me sing. I know because he left a note on my gigantic glowing Alienware computer. They've gone so far as to emailing HR to have a little talk with me, which I am not allowed to discuss on this public forum.
So, here's my plea: Everyone from here on out - if you are a FULL-BLOODED-WHITE-AMERICAN please sing the national anthem at least 9 times a day no matter where you are. I think it will be a good way to thank all of the people who are moving forward with building big golden walls and making laws that benefit me only!!! THIS IS OUR TIME! If a coworker tells you "You need to adhere by basic hygiene" or "The lyrics of the song are actually very different than what you're singing" you know what you can tell them? You can tell them to shove it up their juicy little UN-AMERICAN HEINIES!!!!