It was recently announced Michael Bay would be producing a live action version of the children's show Dora the Explorer, and it has us...perplexed. Given the filmmaker's track record, we can't think of a stranger combination of filmmaker and source material. Our mind instantly imagines the simple children's character transformed into a big budget action hero, fighting her way through lots of explosion and car chases, and if that's the case then we can't help but feel like that's a movie that shouldn't be made.....Mostly because CollegeHumor already that back in 2012:
Back then, this was meant to be something ridiculous and over the top, but now I guess it's just...real life? Between this upcoming film and the Trump presidency, it's become quite clear that we're living in a parody of 2017 that someone wrote back in 2012.
While we do lament the way things are, we won't try to fight them. Instead, we'll lean into whatever this is by suggesting five more classic CH sketches that Bay should consider adapting as well. Maybe this way we can get B-dog to throw some of that sweet, sweet Transformers money our way:
1. If Google Was a Guy
When a sentient Google learns the truth about the president's sinister search history, only he can fight the system and put a stop to the sinister cover up before it's too late. Who wouldn't want to see a sweaty, Brian Huskey dripping with sex as checks under the hood of his classic sports car?
2. Photoshop Has Gone Too Far
A hot girl slowly turning into a pizza seems like the perfect fit for Bay's target demographic. This body horror spectacle would track Megan Fox's slow decay into what would essentially be Pizza the Hut from Space Balls.
3. Jake and Amir
A buddy comedy about two unlikely heroes who work together to save the world. Mark Wahlberg and TJ Miller will be great as Jake and Amir.
4. Adam Ruins Everything
Adam Conover is on a high speed car chace to expose to the world once and for all the dark truth of why your penis looks the way it does.
5. Columbusing: Discovering Things For White People
Because Michael Bay making a film about racial politics makes about as much sense as Michael Bay making a Dora The Explorer movie.