1. Kid's got a point, noyogapants. Not once have they ever made me laugh
Younger son told older son "haha you're as funny as a turtle!"
Older son: "I don't get it, turtles aren't funny?"
Younger son: "Exactly."
They were like 5 & 7 at the time. I still laugh when I think about it...
2. Meanwhile my glorious face looks like it BEFORE lunch. Via Moneyball99
"Your face looks like the floor of the cafeteria after lunch."
Don't know why, but that killed me.
3. You're not even deserving of coal, Robert-Hall. Coal is too good for you.
"I hope Santa brings you a book of manners." My 6 year old after I laughed at her about something and she wasn't laughing.
4. Honestly it works, biga204
When my son was 4 at the playground to another kid:
"Get back here, ya' blender".
No fucking idea why that was the word he chose.
5. Fuckin sit down kid. Honestly, move to a different school - you're done. From Dogpicsordie
Heard kids arguing whose parents has cooler cars one kid yells my dad has a BMW and my mom has a Murano. Without missing a beat other kid yells "Thats cuz your mom's a morono".
6. Same, challam
My eight-year-old granddaughter told her older brother the only way he'd ever hurt himself during an activity is if the TV exploded.
7. You'll show her, ExtraMediumGozno. You're going to be the first person on Mars then she'll see. THEY'LL ALL SEE
Kind of tangential to the question, but I was babysitting my niece (7 at the time), and we were play-arguing. Out of nowhere she says, "You're a silly little boy, and you'll never go to space."
I was 26 at the time and I've never felt so personally attacked.
8. AND YOU TASTE LIKE IT TOO. TAKE THAT 2old2reddit
"Boy, you smell like hot dog water"
9. crocoducktaco turning insults into full ass limericks
My name is Caroline, and when I was in preschool, I had this bully who would call me Carrotline, rabbits eat you all day. I don't know why, but this SUPER upset me. One day I came home sobbing and explained to my dad that this kid was STILL calling me Carrotline rabbits eat you all day. So my dad asks what the kids name is. I tell him it's Daniel and he helps me come up with something I can call him. We settle on "Daniel Daniel cockerspaniel, go pee in the yard!" So the next day, I'm at preschool and there he is, calling me Carrotline, rabbits eat you all day. So I put my hands on my hips and I say "Whatever, Daniel Daniel cockerspaniel, go pee in the yard!" Turns out Daniel Daniel Cockerspaniel was a little crybaby bitch, and I got timeout.
10. I refuse to believe this kid came up with this on their own, innovativeartwork
I heard a kid call another with bad acne a braille dictionary
11. joancena2, she wants you to play peek-a-boo just without the reappearing part
You see that door! I want you on the other side of that door!
she is just 3 years old.
12. A roast, or a threat? I'd watch out if I were you, blind30
Not another kid, but I was trading SFW insults with my friend's son who must have been like 5 years old at the time- I was in my thirties.
He told me, "I'm going to wait until there's three cars coming, and push you in the road."
Same family- Same vacation actually, but this was his younger sister- She had drawn a picture of me and titled it "Dumb." In the picture I had this happy little smile.
"If I'm so dumb, why am I happy?" I asked her.
"Because you don't know any better."
13. This kid is Kermit sipping tea incarnate. From Lookitsmonsterki
4 year old to 4 year old: maybe your mum should have done a better job raising you
14. This one makes me geniunely sad for some reason, msoto15
My 6yr old daughter told my son that he was like a Christmas tree but without a Star
15. tossitNSFW, I tried this on some fellow adults and it did not work as well
In like 5th grade, my friends and I all thought having a big wiener would be an insult, so arguments would end up like this:
"Yeah well you have a big wiener!" "No, YOU have a big wiener!" "No, YOU!"
16. The lesson to be learned here is the best insults make little or no sense at all. Via hjohns95
"You look like something that came out of a slow cooker!"
We had no clue what that meant, but we had to stop and take a moment of silence for that roast.